Sunday 28 June 2015

*Trippage* 06/28/2015

"Congratulations", he says, the parole officer, "You're the first Green to complete parole successfully." "And early." Three years early."
Nice. I guess. . .
But we forget.
The years i did. Ten in total. In a solitary cell. The voices and body bags and letters unsent. The unspoken of the missing spokes in my wheel which i rotated and balanced each day. Each second. In order to one day rise above. Crawl above.
But now i just want the choice. The decisions to be mine. Should i work or not? 90 hours in order to just pay the process of getting to and from work with brushed teeth and full belly. I'm ordered to work. Its stipulation. But maybe now I'll quit, be a little hungry and have fuzz teeth. But. Have time. Have energy. For myself.
I can leave the state now...
No more surprise, armed visits and piss tests. No more monthly fees in order to keep bullets in the guns hipped and at the ready if i make a sudden move.
Sudden move... Maybe that's it. I can move now. Suddenly. They'll have to knock now before they kick in my door. They'll have to tell me to freeze now before they shoot.
I guess, what I'm trying to say, is Theres Alot lost. Its just not as simple as a completion of a process because i was " corrected" by corrections.
No. Because i wasn't.
Everything i was told to do in prison... I did the opposite. The parole programs upon release... I criticized. I laughed at. Because if i would of embraced their "Gods" and "relapse is a part of recovery" where would i be now?
Hmmm?
No God. No relapse. No love for those that showed nothing but hate to me for years. No rehabilitation. But bucking. With strength. With the knowledge that the entire in-justice system is corrupt. That to even have reading material or food and water isn't a guarantee when your suffering in chains in this "land of the free."
That you can be murdered by state employees and be sent home as a suicide. That psychotropics are a tool used to break you, handed out by smiling, supposed "care" givers and medical "professionals."
I've worked. I've bucked you you dirty, crooked bastards. Even though you gave me three extra years for "refusing medications."
I've beat you at your own games in order to show the world you play unfair. In order to make known the hypocrisy of your war on drugs. The racism in your freedom and the lowness in your higher power philosophies.
You're either war recruited to fight for imperialist armies or chained. Chain or be chained.
Police force or policed.
Pork producing, cashier register, toilet scrubbing middle men. On the fence. Waiting. Supporting troops and perpetuating the prison industrial complex with your non-attention. With your captive hate.
Fuck your wars and your soldiers. Fuck your badged, coward, P.D. Swat teams. Power to all prisoners. To Jailhouse Lawyers, those refusing meds and compliance. To sprinklers pulled and shit thrown. Rise up you righteous.
To those warred upon. Luck. Knowledge that your cause is true and right and the contradiction is in your favor more each day.
Fuck your system. Set up to control at all cost in order to keep in power your elite.
But most of all.
Fuck those that still believe in this system. That still seek to raise offspring to assimilate into this shitmill.
Whatever happened to resistance?
To those that stand up for what's right even though they know they'll be knocked down again and again.
The fear of being knocked down. The redness of face in he who trips beside his peers. The terror of stumbling and slipping. Tripping.
But what is life, what is knowledge if not learning to be more sure-footed by stumbling? To learn to be graceful while doing the ungraceful?
Its this, this even-road, this "same-same" flat surface emotion and lifestyle. This ability to just take a pill and never feel good or bad but just O.K.
This perpetual war supported, never to be lost or won, but continued just for the sake, the money, of the business involved in war. . .
*Trippage ||* 06/28/2015
For the citizens that need to feel "better-than": the Christians that need to prove their fake religion is realer than someone elses fake religion.
Prison populations stagnant. Even though many die at the hands of the homicidal state. Because Theres always that son or daughter. That one, being groomed for chains, who feels good and bad intensely.
The enemy?
Emotion?
The ups and downs of life looked down upon. The rights and wrongs in beliefs. Proofs and disproofs. Common sense verses the common goose-step which is us. The U.$. Kkkalifornicated.
Kkkamouflageicated.
Seeing stars in homicidal soldiers. Black and white demons in the koncentration kamp khaki blues.
And damn if he or she becomes upset and slams a door or two. Damn if you can't control.
Damn the bumps in your road, please, as we perfect the art of road removal. See the bumps as fixable. Ignore until its too late.
Says he at the hands of this pristine, maintained, poetic jackhammer.
Its nothing. Swear it.
Just a little pothole. . .

Sunday 14 June 2015

*This Time* 06/14/2015

Corrosive cornucopia of caring
Sexing constantly

Seeing that this that was always wanted
Causes this weakness

To begin at endings
Knowing its all constant continuation
And nothing stops just changes
Contradictions contradicting repeatedly

Too much not enough
Enough too much
Causing heart hurt from over exertion
Or pains from loneliness
Overgiving or underliving

You should see her though
The way her hips sing songs
Her eyes speak in tongues
About lost tribes sculpturing meaning
Upon this rock of meaninglessness

Skin that hurts in its softness
Anger that heals in its fierceness
Slaps and hugs and claspings
Letting go only to hold on

So much we've been through
And its only been six months
More emotions than six years in a cell
In just six minutes of looking in each others eyes

June 16th. One month shy
Of two years out
Missed one day of work
This whole time
And it was her birthday
My reason. She's become
Reason

" I want to go home to Mexico"
Crestfallen. Her children
Her parents she's missing
I'm the tether that holds her she says
But I'm wrist chained
Waist wrapped
Around her sweet existence
Grasping

Never felt this tear clouded smiling
This sickness of heart that causes butterflies
This lifting and falling of feeling

I'm lost
Tossed upon her waves
Curled up in her hair like feminine finger
Tracing the stubble along jawline

Thinking maybe
Maybe this time
This month this cycle
A baby
Our baby

Maybe...





*Dear Heart* 06/13/2015

Its been six months since i switched jobs from the truck stop to the pig farms. On the day i interviewed i met this international Mexican girl. We've been inseparable ever since. We've got ourselves a place. Been living together two months. But...

Its driving me crazy. The worry. The constant wondering about if this is real. If what we have is reality or just some illusion. Like , have i built myself this castle in the sand that's already washed away and I'm just seeing the mirage of what once was.

Its all in the fact that I've got no life. She says. I mean, not meanly does she say it but its that I've cut off my life ive built, since getting out of prison two years ago, just for her. Left my dad and brother to fend for themselves. Gave up the addition id built onto my fathers house, in order to pay rent on a Trailor house in town. Town. I hate living in town. I hate not having time for myself.

Its like all i gave up for her was all that she saw in me to like. And six months to the day, in two days exactly, its all going to end. I feel it. We're done. Through.

And all i can think is " WHEW" . "That was wild and fun yet trying as all hell and I'm glad its over."

Its time to return to the cedar trees and the solitude. My solitude. My writing. My mind.

I've missed you. . .

Thursday 26 March 2015

* Silent Ships * 03/26/2015

If you sit after a strenuous workout and think
Realizing you've been acting like an utter fool
For the simple fact you gave up your exercise
Seeking serotonin in an impossible relationship

When you wake up
When you knew before you opened your eyes
That you shouldn't have stirred
Should of remained blind
Because it was so easy to lead and lead on
Dumb and stupid

They say the intelligent practice the strenuous physical
Because it frees up the ability in the mental
I say I've let the girl lead the blind so long because
I wanted to walk in the dark for once
To see how the rest feel

As the curls put the cap on top
Of my bench press, squat outlook
I noticed again that relationships
Mean nothing in this age of meaninglessness

That your breath, the breath we breathe alone
Can be listened to unto bothering
Or silenced until your listening of other breaths
Detects the bothered that have forgotten
Noisily breathing seeking noisier breaths

I.E. relationship

My heart thumps with the knowledge silence is my friend
And everyone must first themselves come to this conclusion alone
And my voice and eyes become what some discover
Instead of what this visage covers

Nothing
Turned into a something
That reflects the things shined upon me
With no emotion or needing
Just the acknowledgment that in passing
We recognize the noises seconds are creating
And we
As simple complex skin instruments

Take in and exhale with certain rings laced with feelings
Tones of the worst among us megaphoned
Because faces shine with beauty
The voices with the answers silenced because they seem ugly
Its a game of lenses and electricity
A volleyball of the insane stupidity
That you'll never see with veins caked and greasy
With a heart that doesn't beat completely

Its ghostly with the overlarge and underskinny
Seeking momentary-pain-endings in THINGS
That just perpetuate the pain in their veins
The shrinking of brains and loudening of breaths

Until they can't take it and snap
Finding the silence finally in finality
Like this is it
The current in the current

Only those that know nonexistance while existing
Silence in the noisy
Relationship in a society of nonrelationship

Can say they've lived in the minute
For the lives of the next
Can witness what it is to cherish each second
For the sake of the one day existent

Who'll carry evolution into its silence
And bring meaning to the present greed meaninglessness
Capitalists can talk themselves to death as we wait in the shadows

The everpresent
Relationshipless

Monday 16 March 2015

* Threesome * 03/16/2015

Death fucks me up and so do girls
When people die its like they must haunt my memories
Times shared together rerunned repeatedly
Searching for meaning

Relationships began with big dreams in mind
But ended because i convince myself I'm a burden
Is it the classic bachelor guilt syndrome
Where i blame the breakup on the ones i hurt

Sex and memories shuffled in my mind
Getting sick of the same old day in day out
Until you lose it for a while and seek it out

I told you so isn't allowed overtop gravestones
I love you so isn't meant soley
I love you now so but her now so
And the telling you so so that your soul can suffer more
No

As species are fastforwarded intellectually
The key is to not stagnate or become dependent
Stick and move creatively relationship up
Then separate like we must from this boring oil

Like we must from the Washington and Jefferson
Godheads imagined in minds long dust
Like we must impregnate and fight wanderlust

So confused searching for the pattern
That will explain the beginning
But we can't understand the meaning until the ending
So theres a tomorrow for the confused
Time left for the sick

Numb-know-everythings sure signs of imminent endings
An empires demise is always forecasted as a new beginning
A Womans love is just the hate for her loves last ending reincarnated

Like the flowers growing through the skulls
Of the final 300 amerikkan soldiers
Immortalized underneath fields of grass stained victors
Portrayed on big screens warning future generations

Beware warmongering blind imperialism
Sure sign of imminent ending
Like her head on your chest
And all you can think about is her roommates underthings



Wednesday 11 March 2015

* Jericho 101 * 03/11/2015

Like the name of some long lost city by the dead sea
Or the man ejected from his windshield at 95 mph
Whom i trained with for a month
Listening to him joke about how short a time it takes
From home to work

Life to death
A split second
Falling asleep at the wheels of our destinies
Found in lazyboys or bushes bloodless

Thoughtless, unconscious corpses existing soley
For anger and pain pinball
Better than thou speedometers pressed to the limits

Caught up in this world so much i forget
What I've been through and whom it took
To make it through as all was taken away

Know the community witnesses
This eyewitness of the worst
Speakless inhumanities just down the way
Upstate prison inkkkarceration nation

Where the pigs and nazis sport swastikas
Overseers overseeing oppressed nations
With aryan prison gangs

Judges, street and gulag pigs in cahoots
No first amendment rights to even a book
Dignities stolen as you curl fetal on strip cell
In front of a camera naked in solitary

Starved, sleep deprived, ridiculed day in and day out until
You catch on to punch line and begin laughing at yourself
Like... look at this worthless Fuck in the mirror

Ha. Ha ha. The dehumanizing demonizing injustice system
Set up to pick up where slavery left off
Built to cease and desist the revolutionary movement

This says something about the possibility of those
Them that rattle chains in dungeons unheard
Not the romanticized Hollywood but the true

Unshowered, uncut versions in the millions
Waking up to new days in perpetual nights
The minds capable of flight tethered
By the brains of the gutter hitlerites

Big banked behind oppressive educations and wars
Debt, CBS NBCed pipsqueek unscientific understudied oppressors
Unwilling and unwanting of flight
Grasping the earth with talons of oil rigs

Locked up and motionless like sows in heat
Shivering in D.C. and the U.N. U.$. Strongholds
Bastions of bastards military based around the world

Like sore thumbs sticking up waiting for the smash
Similar to stock markets and mortgages
Failing like bridges and nuclear families

His body ejected two mornings ago
Because he was fifteen minutes late for work
At a job, that because of time change, we had to wake at 3 a.m. for

And to clock out at 4 p.m. enslaved
So exhausted we envy Jericho his quick and sudden death
We envy he who is death rowed because his chain chafing
Will cease like the deceased in the field in the early morning

Breathing his last breath like , " fuck ya, Fuck this. Peace!"
Released. Like Ronnie Gardners last breath before swaztikad firing squads
Made up of his brothers

Listen to the keys rattle comrades as you sit tonight
Pupils dialated to the orange glows in night lights and halogens
They always change hands these
The captors become the captive
Its history, proven over and over again
Just listen

We. Kaching. Will. Click. WIN
Motherfucking indubitably
So rattle like the final gasps of histories most evil empire
For now

Prison house and military sore house of nations
The Great Snake Amerikka entrailed across mother earth
Slithering in and out of seas exposed to death by a thousand cuts

Like the coward you are labor aristocracy
Modern day fascist middle class
Awaiting the taking away and the slash

That's all class