Saturday, 26 October 2013

*Lehmans cave* 10.27.2013

....  been like this since birth. tough love tough life
when all along looking for a reason in real eyes....

did it. here. this side of the fence
wake up. sleep. to the tune of dead presidents

looking into the eyes of judgemental cowards
snickering females that dont know what real man is

a month ago i ceased my train
in order to lower myself and dull the sharpness.
desensitize my mind. become one
with those i freeworld do time

as the sweat dripped into carpet this afternoon
and my nephew giggled watching you tube
peanut butter jelly time cartoon

my voice lightened like yellow leaves falling
and laughter, colors... i wondered why i would
lower myself to please those diseased

cant connect. see eye to eye
out here its what now, this second, can get us by
but death in numbness equals no life

visits to the graveyard feel like coming home
tapping texts that suck my soul from the bone

seven seventy five an hour
three hundred dollar bi weekly paychecks
spent buying ammunition for parole officers gun
paying off the beast smiling like its fun

body that sat a decade in a hole
wrapped in mcdonalds belt
wiping tables, breaking down boxes
smiling like its fun

you want it to stop but it never does
paycheck to paycheck
bells tolling, rubber thinner
home. work. dinners done

dressed in black, back to a tree, gravestone surrounded
cars circling roads around markers, not even getting out
dont want to leave surround-sound for one second
uncushioned existence awkward. change the station

double meal. happy nuggets
fighting the fuck its
the what if blues and what is

you say you are happy
car door slam. car door shut
but i can smell your pains emanating
like grease behind the fryers stalagmites

staligtites dripping. smiling, smiling,
wired to feel happiness

Thursday, 17 October 2013

*He's back*

i have been out of prison a few months now, employed doing maintanence at mcdonalds, and generally avoiding sticky people and situations. i met and peacefully broke up with a kind woman and the heartache feels very human and good after that ten year solitary numbness. my lawsuits, green v downs 2:12-cv-00432 and green v galetka 2:12-cv-00600-cw, are still very much active. i pay supervision fees. i comply. im out.....

i have a cell phone and a laptop. very little time to write or think out here. i am hoping to get back into the mix here and this is my first attempt, tapping a keyboard instead of gripping a control unit flexi pen. . . there is very few real people out here in this "freeworld". my family and a handfull of comrades and the rest.... its how it feels to me.. . .the rest seem to be at the earlier stages of discovering what living means and is for. i, like i said, steer clear of these blazing personal trails.

all the people i corresponded with in prison, they and i have struggled to maintain closeness, i think this is normal in transition. i would like to contribute to the struggle to reveal the torture going on across amerikka in sensory deprivation control units. i invite people to ask any questions they might have and am seeking ways to help get the word out about this oppressive injustice system.

i have the coolest two nephews, the smartest most kind little sister, and a big brother i respect wholeheartedly. my mother is the glue that keeps us all together and i hope she knows how much we all love her. extended family, father and grandmother etc, on the sidelines ready to help each other out. its beautiful to be back in this loving family, i appreciate you all....

but my experiences with the prison system have changed me. i am not looking for a wife and bowling. im wanting to dedicate my life to fighting oppression. but, this much everyone knows...

                      so, im here. im back. out of the cages. getting footing. standing....
                      i wasnt supposed to make it. we aint supposed to survive to tell the tale.
                      but aint aint a word. . .

     in struggle,