Part 2 "Fore-ward"
.... Anything you do or say or ("mental-illy" think) that challenges the present power structure is met with force. Force of the utmost. Generational force that's been built up and studied unto Sadist perfection.
An art form of the most brutal and unprogressive this.
And solitary confinement is the spearhead of it all. It is used in-border and out-border on those that can't be mindwashed. On those that put the species' future (as a whole. The majority. The 80%) before their lives.
I died in it. In that cell all alone all that time. You lose track. You DE-evolve.
Standstill. A standstill. Perpetual standstill.
It's what occurs in those sensory deprivation cells. It's what is occurring in the world. With these machines I outlined, machines developed for this sole reason. Stand. Still.
I'm dead but I move.
How bout you?
Showing posts with label 2014. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2014. Show all posts
Tuesday 16 September 2014
Fore-Ward
*Fore Ward* 09/16/2014
(The possibility that the whole monthly system is set up to take away from the fact middle month is more important creatively/revolutionarily) [ Wink Wink ]
Solitary confinement is a tool the imperialist oppressor class uses to silence the oppressed classes inside and outside its borders. There is money in the prison system to be made also. Outside of its borders, this oppressor class, that constitutes 99% of the amerikkan citizenry [the first world as a whole basically. 20 % of the human species] the war machine must keep inventing enemies to wage war upon. ISIS now. Al-Qaeda before. I.E. the 80%. Each new IMAGINED threat is more vague. More all-encompassing. The term "terrorist" becoming the dollar sign for the military industry. Just like the term "gangmember" or "drugdealer" is dollar and cents for the prison industry.
You have almost fascism developed already but Noone sees it. You have a contradiction between the bourgeois rich ( and their bought off labor aristocracy ) on the one end, dueling with the oppressed nations sitting in solitary cells and the oppressed nations victims across the world living life in rubble strewn streets. Perpetual standstill.
The whole infrastructure of these rich classes depends, the maintaining of the contradiction with the oppressors on top and the oppressed on bottom, depends on the perpetually destroyed believing nothing can change. That nothing has ever changed and in the past change never happened.
So you got the entire school system and media force feeding contradiction-stalling bullshit. We are taught to believe in "mental-illness", that it exists and is the cause of "criminality", and that all sorts of mind-numbing, body-breaking, pharmaceutical-company-richening substances can cure these pseudo-illnesses. We begin to believe our sadness and anger is an internal thing and not an external thing. Not an outside-self factor, like being oppressed, being robbed by pigs over and over with fines and tickets for made-up offenses. Being bombed to death, holding your Childs hand as amerikkan missles come down your chimney, because you speak the truth about the worlds enemy. Being murdered by the robot, badged, lackeys of the rich for the simple fact you see incorrectness in the mainstreams correctness. And then seeing no charges against the pigs who murder in cold, cowardly blood. No charges, but medals and promotions, for soldiers that commit war crimes and crimes against humanity each day.
You see, deaths, and the dead, have a moral and hidden-until-now price tag.
If you kill the "mentally-ill", the "terrorist", the "criminal", "ISIS"... No problem. Doesn't matter. That's the purpose of these words. But if you kill an officer, a soldier... Problem. They will murder you in return with sensory deprivation, state execution or guided missles. Stacked-Against price tags.
If the contradiction-stalling-amerikkan-oppressor-class can't force medicate and force defeatist-dogma-hypnotize you, with its media, pharmaceutical and solitary confinement, it will NATO-ize you. It will terrorize you with bombs and bullets as it calls you the terrorist.
It's the night-time of an empire but they want you to believe roosters are crowing.
As i pound these nails into these expensive boards, which cleaning toilets at a truckstop repeatedly have bought, that constitute the second edition to a trailer house my father, who spent twenty years in a cell himself, whom, upon doing my ten years in a cell, i found starving-to-death-unto-seizures in a boarded off room in this tiny tin house... As i build, and slowly die myself, sweating my final drops onto truckers' soiled toilet seats, i consider the contradictions of times past. Of all the times a moneyed class has seized power of civilization and held on to the point of halting our species' evolution.
Because it's big. It's that huge.
(The possibility that the whole monthly system is set up to take away from the fact middle month is more important creatively/revolutionarily) [ Wink Wink ]
Solitary confinement is a tool the imperialist oppressor class uses to silence the oppressed classes inside and outside its borders. There is money in the prison system to be made also. Outside of its borders, this oppressor class, that constitutes 99% of the amerikkan citizenry [the first world as a whole basically. 20 % of the human species] the war machine must keep inventing enemies to wage war upon. ISIS now. Al-Qaeda before. I.E. the 80%. Each new IMAGINED threat is more vague. More all-encompassing. The term "terrorist" becoming the dollar sign for the military industry. Just like the term "gangmember" or "drugdealer" is dollar and cents for the prison industry.
You have almost fascism developed already but Noone sees it. You have a contradiction between the bourgeois rich ( and their bought off labor aristocracy ) on the one end, dueling with the oppressed nations sitting in solitary cells and the oppressed nations victims across the world living life in rubble strewn streets. Perpetual standstill.
The whole infrastructure of these rich classes depends, the maintaining of the contradiction with the oppressors on top and the oppressed on bottom, depends on the perpetually destroyed believing nothing can change. That nothing has ever changed and in the past change never happened.
So you got the entire school system and media force feeding contradiction-stalling bullshit. We are taught to believe in "mental-illness", that it exists and is the cause of "criminality", and that all sorts of mind-numbing, body-breaking, pharmaceutical-company-richening substances can cure these pseudo-illnesses. We begin to believe our sadness and anger is an internal thing and not an external thing. Not an outside-self factor, like being oppressed, being robbed by pigs over and over with fines and tickets for made-up offenses. Being bombed to death, holding your Childs hand as amerikkan missles come down your chimney, because you speak the truth about the worlds enemy. Being murdered by the robot, badged, lackeys of the rich for the simple fact you see incorrectness in the mainstreams correctness. And then seeing no charges against the pigs who murder in cold, cowardly blood. No charges, but medals and promotions, for soldiers that commit war crimes and crimes against humanity each day.
You see, deaths, and the dead, have a moral and hidden-until-now price tag.
If you kill the "mentally-ill", the "terrorist", the "criminal", "ISIS"... No problem. Doesn't matter. That's the purpose of these words. But if you kill an officer, a soldier... Problem. They will murder you in return with sensory deprivation, state execution or guided missles. Stacked-Against price tags.
If the contradiction-stalling-amerikkan-oppressor-class can't force medicate and force defeatist-dogma-hypnotize you, with its media, pharmaceutical and solitary confinement, it will NATO-ize you. It will terrorize you with bombs and bullets as it calls you the terrorist.
It's the night-time of an empire but they want you to believe roosters are crowing.
As i pound these nails into these expensive boards, which cleaning toilets at a truckstop repeatedly have bought, that constitute the second edition to a trailer house my father, who spent twenty years in a cell himself, whom, upon doing my ten years in a cell, i found starving-to-death-unto-seizures in a boarded off room in this tiny tin house... As i build, and slowly die myself, sweating my final drops onto truckers' soiled toilet seats, i consider the contradictions of times past. Of all the times a moneyed class has seized power of civilization and held on to the point of halting our species' evolution.
Because it's big. It's that huge.
Wednesday 10 September 2014
Marooned Baboons
*Marooned Baboons* 09/10/2014
Created this feeling by twisting fate
Escaped death so i could live bent
Beside the living missing the dead
Disordered i sit this night questioning
The year mark, the fear mark
Surpassed
The loves empty and the people unchanging
Like black and white silence surrounding
My cacophony of colorful sounds
We wait for deaths and news of tragedy
Making messes we count who clean up
Only the building-cleaners fear the wait
Time counted not in carcinogens breathed or alcohol drank
But in steak ate
Beside whom whos doom is understood the most
Attempting to pause the inevitable in those who
It takes a year to speak a word to
Blood. I can feel family hunger
The need for silent sleep cover
Taken away for a decade feeling nothing
Return to slowly say in final few years
I. Feel. Everything.
You can see the ape mentality when you fall
Loudly shrieking from treetops
Cheering chattering ancestors enjoyed those falling
And greeted happily the re-climbing
But the fallen were without a seconds thought
Stricken
Until bloody head breaks leaf cover again
You're forgotten
Grandiosity dueling with minisculity
How best to spend hours bent
On branches of lone tree way off in the distance
Watching the bloody history of apes
Repeat again
Crestfallen spending waking moments aware entirely
Of the below leaves forgotten
Throwing words like peanut butter to the hungry
At those of beauty in the shadows
Knowing it's always the struggling
Bloody, Dirty, Windswept visages of the species
That`ve pushed evolutions and revolutions forward
Watching from solo tree surrounding history
The up and down screaming falling tragedy
Eyes catch yours as you take a second away
From those earthbound below crawling again upwards
To plead with the stars for some speciel sanity
You looked away miniscule seconds
It's only in these snatches that we see
We recognize momentarily that we
The treed we alone questioning
Are not alone in the spectacle of waiting
It's the between of looking upwards and below
Knowing each time there's more
And they're getting ready
Soon
Soon
Created this feeling by twisting fate
Escaped death so i could live bent
Beside the living missing the dead
Disordered i sit this night questioning
The year mark, the fear mark
Surpassed
The loves empty and the people unchanging
Like black and white silence surrounding
My cacophony of colorful sounds
We wait for deaths and news of tragedy
Making messes we count who clean up
Only the building-cleaners fear the wait
Time counted not in carcinogens breathed or alcohol drank
But in steak ate
Beside whom whos doom is understood the most
Attempting to pause the inevitable in those who
It takes a year to speak a word to
Blood. I can feel family hunger
The need for silent sleep cover
Taken away for a decade feeling nothing
Return to slowly say in final few years
I. Feel. Everything.
You can see the ape mentality when you fall
Loudly shrieking from treetops
Cheering chattering ancestors enjoyed those falling
And greeted happily the re-climbing
But the fallen were without a seconds thought
Stricken
Until bloody head breaks leaf cover again
You're forgotten
Grandiosity dueling with minisculity
How best to spend hours bent
On branches of lone tree way off in the distance
Watching the bloody history of apes
Repeat again
Crestfallen spending waking moments aware entirely
Of the below leaves forgotten
Throwing words like peanut butter to the hungry
At those of beauty in the shadows
Knowing it's always the struggling
Bloody, Dirty, Windswept visages of the species
That`ve pushed evolutions and revolutions forward
Watching from solo tree surrounding history
The up and down screaming falling tragedy
Eyes catch yours as you take a second away
From those earthbound below crawling again upwards
To plead with the stars for some speciel sanity
You looked away miniscule seconds
It's only in these snatches that we see
We recognize momentarily that we
The treed we alone questioning
Are not alone in the spectacle of waiting
It's the between of looking upwards and below
Knowing each time there's more
And they're getting ready
Soon
Soon
Monday 1 September 2014
Wait and Win
*Wait and Win* 09/01/2014
Anti-Amerikkanism equaling Anti-Terrorism
Ice challenge rich folk or rubble head challenges
Labor aristocrats supporting Anti-Bullying
Ignoring state executions
Feel good pig genociding
Hijack your dog and son
Institutionalizing, euthanizing
Charging lives
New age ransoms
I did it, you murdering copsuckers
Fuckin try to kill me and my comrades
Spencer Hoopers spider crawling like teardrop
Soon teeter-totter tips in our favor
Survived in order to expose your lies
That you correct and protect
Serving dollar signs
Rehabilitating white pocket books
Building red, brown and black brick
Solitary supermax
You'll never know it unless you experience it
And you'll never experience it if you're above it
Amerikkan
Sitting in it choking on it
Tasting pepperspray in your tears
Spit in your cheese sandwich
You've eaten repeatedly
Ten years
Twitch
Man executed made it out
As you sit
Just sit
Twitch twitch
When you kick your door
And hear the echo of your neighbor
Kicking his door
You scream
They scream
Teardrop
Coldchills
We're in it
We're against it
Together
Then you wake up after exhaustion
Expending every ounce of fluid from your body
The key here and only way to catch rest
Unloading sweat, sperm, tears
From spit sandwiches
You kick your door and SCREAM
Grin waiting
Nothing
As ringed, chubby, white, cologned fingers
Drop your saliva sandwich to cement
As you assume the kneeling
Ankle and finger lock position
Faced away
Teeth gritting
"Your friend killed himself"
Toothy grin behind plexi-glass
"What you gonna do bout it?"
Twitch
Silence
Twitch Twitch
Anti-Amerikkanism equaling Anti-Terrorism
Ice challenge rich folk or rubble head challenges
Labor aristocrats supporting Anti-Bullying
Ignoring state executions
Feel good pig genociding
Hijack your dog and son
Institutionalizing, euthanizing
Charging lives
New age ransoms
I did it, you murdering copsuckers
Fuckin try to kill me and my comrades
Spencer Hoopers spider crawling like teardrop
Soon teeter-totter tips in our favor
Survived in order to expose your lies
That you correct and protect
Serving dollar signs
Rehabilitating white pocket books
Building red, brown and black brick
Solitary supermax
You'll never know it unless you experience it
And you'll never experience it if you're above it
Amerikkan
Sitting in it choking on it
Tasting pepperspray in your tears
Spit in your cheese sandwich
You've eaten repeatedly
Ten years
Twitch
Man executed made it out
As you sit
Just sit
Twitch twitch
When you kick your door
And hear the echo of your neighbor
Kicking his door
You scream
They scream
Teardrop
Coldchills
We're in it
We're against it
Together
Then you wake up after exhaustion
Expending every ounce of fluid from your body
The key here and only way to catch rest
Unloading sweat, sperm, tears
From spit sandwiches
You kick your door and SCREAM
Grin waiting
Nothing
As ringed, chubby, white, cologned fingers
Drop your saliva sandwich to cement
As you assume the kneeling
Ankle and finger lock position
Faced away
Teeth gritting
"Your friend killed himself"
Toothy grin behind plexi-glass
"What you gonna do bout it?"
Twitch
Silence
Twitch Twitch
Saturday 30 August 2014
See This
*See This* 08/30/2014
It's crazy. You know?
Like... You got all these people destroyed by this system over and over. Not because they (the destroyed) are anti-system but the opposite. They believe in this system.
Until you turn against Somethin you can't escape it.
A.A. Addicts addicted to the defeatist dogma
Spending entire McDonalds checks on gas for religious classes
Held in holes
Underground
Officiated by the most toothless and
Unsound
Senile
First time prisoners with asscheeks clenched
Begging the oppressor pigs for protection
Snitchin punks seekin homelife released
So mindwashed they tell on their mama
Substance stuck Hitchin rides to classes
Unsound senile weasels
God you got like pigpens blanket
Draggin those in carriages to alters
Copycatting weakness, bullying non-believers
Seeing your son sent missionary style
Fresh-Out-Of-High-School-Know-Nothings
To teach what was taught to as toddler
Like shitting cross country
Two failed
Potty trained juvenile
White Jesus'
Sun laughs at those who turn on family
Stagnant-Space-Stuck spewing guffaw flares
Stars against Bible books never added to
Sizes and colors infinite
Like a Fuck you to
Millionaire, military drunk
Windbag
Finale' empire presidents
I still piss in a fuckin cup beside my bed like id piss in the sink beside my head in prison.
I still am what I was that whole time. I'm against.
Against white pigs holding non-whites in cages. Passing out psychotropics. Collecting suicides.
When you are held down. When three million prisoners are caged and tortured so that three hundred million amerikkans can participate in the caging simply for economic benefit.
When you hold down. When a whole countries military is lower class poor, who join entirely for economic reasons, and are trained to fight poorer peoples in order to take their money and natural resources for those who pay the military.
The millions military oppressing billions for the benefit of the three hundred million. The three hundred million citizens of Amerikka oppressing the three million prisoners, who have nothing to lose but their chains, bills and Pig-Bullets-To-The-Back-While-Unarmed-And-Innocent.
It's seeming uncle sams blanket disintegrates
Wheelchaired senile wannabe white Jesus
Brushing hair of snarly liberty princess
With hand grenade pins
And waterboard
Witness
It's crazy. You know?
Like... You got all these people destroyed by this system over and over. Not because they (the destroyed) are anti-system but the opposite. They believe in this system.
Until you turn against Somethin you can't escape it.
A.A. Addicts addicted to the defeatist dogma
Spending entire McDonalds checks on gas for religious classes
Held in holes
Underground
Officiated by the most toothless and
Unsound
Senile
First time prisoners with asscheeks clenched
Begging the oppressor pigs for protection
Snitchin punks seekin homelife released
So mindwashed they tell on their mama
Substance stuck Hitchin rides to classes
Unsound senile weasels
God you got like pigpens blanket
Draggin those in carriages to alters
Copycatting weakness, bullying non-believers
Seeing your son sent missionary style
Fresh-Out-Of-High-School-Know-Nothings
To teach what was taught to as toddler
Like shitting cross country
Two failed
Potty trained juvenile
White Jesus'
Sun laughs at those who turn on family
Stagnant-Space-Stuck spewing guffaw flares
Stars against Bible books never added to
Sizes and colors infinite
Like a Fuck you to
Millionaire, military drunk
Windbag
Finale' empire presidents
I still piss in a fuckin cup beside my bed like id piss in the sink beside my head in prison.
I still am what I was that whole time. I'm against.
Against white pigs holding non-whites in cages. Passing out psychotropics. Collecting suicides.
When you are held down. When three million prisoners are caged and tortured so that three hundred million amerikkans can participate in the caging simply for economic benefit.
When you hold down. When a whole countries military is lower class poor, who join entirely for economic reasons, and are trained to fight poorer peoples in order to take their money and natural resources for those who pay the military.
The millions military oppressing billions for the benefit of the three hundred million. The three hundred million citizens of Amerikka oppressing the three million prisoners, who have nothing to lose but their chains, bills and Pig-Bullets-To-The-Back-While-Unarmed-And-Innocent.
It's seeming uncle sams blanket disintegrates
Wheelchaired senile wannabe white Jesus
Brushing hair of snarly liberty princess
With hand grenade pins
And waterboard
Witness
Saturday 16 August 2014
Blow Me Down
*Blow Me Down* 08/16/2014
I think the worst thing, the most dangerous aspect, and, at times, the only thing getting people through the hardest parts, is that when you are in the throes of insanity / torture / dying / love / lust / oppression / oppressing, you forget how it was before. You can't imagine after either. Total concentration on a single point.
IM caught up in working my job so much that my heart hurts. In solitary confinement I exercised and write so much that my heart hurt. Several girls, this past year, I've put so much of my concentration on, that I've been hurt.
I just drove by one girls house to see another mans truck in the drive. Talk about heart hurt. But I've come so far to even experience that hurt.
I drove a truck I bought, licensed and worked on. Gas in the tank I bought. A drivers license that took me over a grand to get unsuspended.
I've paid the parole people thousands. I paid the drug people thousands to drug test me and force religion on me.
Higher power, they say. Fuck you, I think.
The pigs pull me over religiously on my way to and from work. For no reason. I never do nothing wrong. Completely legal. It's just very...
What's the word?
All - encompassing.
This " doing right" all the goddamn time. And it seems the better I do the more the system presses me.
One year parole is standard and it's what was planned. They say to me now that five year parole will be more likely.
I sat in that solitary cell and changed the lives of people. Those caged beside me. I helped. Those who abused us had to stop.
But it was because I was tunnel visioned. Not because I was something great.
This past year every second has been spent helping my family. As far as I could uplift I've uplifted.
But the tunnel vision of the last year lost me everyone who helped me in solitary. This past year in the media world I've not heard a single story in the news about prison or solitary confinement. Nothin.
Noone cares out here.
I thought people were listening when I wrote about torture. A single person, not people, listened to me. A person or two.
How are we going to put a halt to sensory deprivation torture and the prison reliance we see around us? When everyone is tunnel visioned out here in society?
Or is that even the goal here?
What happens when the prisons double instead of shrink by half?
Why is it that I am not supposed to make it out here and every possible thing the pigs can do to send me back, the hoops I jump over and over unto blatant disbelief, they do?
I mean, the pigs, the injustice system, is tunnel visioned also. The taxpayer. The prisoners. Tunnel visioned.
Three different, separate worlds in existence in this scenario. The prisoners see the pigs as pigs. Enemies. Because they are oppressed by pigs.
The taxpayer sees pigs as friend. And the prisoner as enemy.
Then, why doesn't the prisoner see taxpayer as enemy?
Something to chew on here, comrades. Don't you think?
I think the worst thing, the most dangerous aspect, and, at times, the only thing getting people through the hardest parts, is that when you are in the throes of insanity / torture / dying / love / lust / oppression / oppressing, you forget how it was before. You can't imagine after either. Total concentration on a single point.
IM caught up in working my job so much that my heart hurts. In solitary confinement I exercised and write so much that my heart hurt. Several girls, this past year, I've put so much of my concentration on, that I've been hurt.
I just drove by one girls house to see another mans truck in the drive. Talk about heart hurt. But I've come so far to even experience that hurt.
I drove a truck I bought, licensed and worked on. Gas in the tank I bought. A drivers license that took me over a grand to get unsuspended.
I've paid the parole people thousands. I paid the drug people thousands to drug test me and force religion on me.
Higher power, they say. Fuck you, I think.
The pigs pull me over religiously on my way to and from work. For no reason. I never do nothing wrong. Completely legal. It's just very...
What's the word?
All - encompassing.
This " doing right" all the goddamn time. And it seems the better I do the more the system presses me.
One year parole is standard and it's what was planned. They say to me now that five year parole will be more likely.
I sat in that solitary cell and changed the lives of people. Those caged beside me. I helped. Those who abused us had to stop.
But it was because I was tunnel visioned. Not because I was something great.
This past year every second has been spent helping my family. As far as I could uplift I've uplifted.
But the tunnel vision of the last year lost me everyone who helped me in solitary. This past year in the media world I've not heard a single story in the news about prison or solitary confinement. Nothin.
Noone cares out here.
I thought people were listening when I wrote about torture. A single person, not people, listened to me. A person or two.
How are we going to put a halt to sensory deprivation torture and the prison reliance we see around us? When everyone is tunnel visioned out here in society?
Or is that even the goal here?
What happens when the prisons double instead of shrink by half?
Why is it that I am not supposed to make it out here and every possible thing the pigs can do to send me back, the hoops I jump over and over unto blatant disbelief, they do?
I mean, the pigs, the injustice system, is tunnel visioned also. The taxpayer. The prisoners. Tunnel visioned.
Three different, separate worlds in existence in this scenario. The prisoners see the pigs as pigs. Enemies. Because they are oppressed by pigs.
The taxpayer sees pigs as friend. And the prisoner as enemy.
Then, why doesn't the prisoner see taxpayer as enemy?
Something to chew on here, comrades. Don't you think?
Tuesday 12 August 2014
Clock Walk
*Clock Walk* 08/12/2014
Deviance majestic in its pearly camouflage
Every felony earned in August
But one
The single blackout I lost track of time
Hero who overworks unto exhaustion
Hid ten years from his voice
And angry siblings` overcriticisms
Fuckin stupid conversations
Over and over again
Money spent again and again
In order to spend it
Again
Begin pretendin bangin overweight
Seekin somethin odorless
Someone conscious
Enough not to base life on numb
Unconsciousness
Quit texting me
Silence uncomplicates me
You forget I've died a hundred times
As you try to live
Can one ever overcome the childishness
Bitchin about how bad it is
Never enough for those who've had
Their whole lives
Wishing want on those who'll never withstand it
Like loving women addicted to abuse
Hurting them with niceness
Slap, punch, kick her with shyness
You think I quit my politics
Motherfuckers
That I've trashed my freeworld friendships
Forced fraternization with voice
Pen silenced with speech
Practiced phrases repeated
The less vulgar are the more painless
When you want to finish
What you waited so long to start
When she does the unthinkable
To a heart you thought you forgot
Rememberin becomes less the enemy
When you attempt building futures
But seeing too far frightens
Like the serious and silent
Disconcerting the disrespectful
Shittalkers afraid to start
Life based on friendships
Common ground enjoyed around common enemies
Whom, like dolls, clothes switched
Limbs jerked with biting remarks behind backs
Miles walked verses frightened talk
Shoulder worlds or shoulder walk
Eventually grounds shift
When one watches the year hand on the clock
And he who lives with omnigeneration awareness
Leaps your second hand existence
Backbiting. Spoiled. Adult
Adolescents
Deviance majestic in its pearly camouflage
Every felony earned in August
But one
The single blackout I lost track of time
Hero who overworks unto exhaustion
Hid ten years from his voice
And angry siblings` overcriticisms
Fuckin stupid conversations
Over and over again
Money spent again and again
In order to spend it
Again
Begin pretendin bangin overweight
Seekin somethin odorless
Someone conscious
Enough not to base life on numb
Unconsciousness
Quit texting me
Silence uncomplicates me
You forget I've died a hundred times
As you try to live
Can one ever overcome the childishness
Bitchin about how bad it is
Never enough for those who've had
Their whole lives
Wishing want on those who'll never withstand it
Like loving women addicted to abuse
Hurting them with niceness
Slap, punch, kick her with shyness
You think I quit my politics
Motherfuckers
That I've trashed my freeworld friendships
Forced fraternization with voice
Pen silenced with speech
Practiced phrases repeated
The less vulgar are the more painless
When you want to finish
What you waited so long to start
When she does the unthinkable
To a heart you thought you forgot
Rememberin becomes less the enemy
When you attempt building futures
But seeing too far frightens
Like the serious and silent
Disconcerting the disrespectful
Shittalkers afraid to start
Life based on friendships
Common ground enjoyed around common enemies
Whom, like dolls, clothes switched
Limbs jerked with biting remarks behind backs
Miles walked verses frightened talk
Shoulder worlds or shoulder walk
Eventually grounds shift
When one watches the year hand on the clock
And he who lives with omnigeneration awareness
Leaps your second hand existence
Backbiting. Spoiled. Adult
Adolescents
Monday 11 August 2014
Hollow Words
*Hollow Words* 08/11/2014
Her grey hair, missing in patches, blows in the muggy , bathroom air as the fan rotates. Click click click Woosh, the plastic blades go. Clearly this woman is dying. Cancer maybe.
She needs to use the bathroom located in the shower; doesn't have the vitality to walk to the other end of the store to the womens room.
" yes ma'am", I say, " you can use this bathroom".
"thank you", she says, as she exits.
"have a nice day", I say.
She notices my hollow words. She thanks me again. I notice ... Her. Hollow words.
In the back of my mind, as I'm cleaning the shower she used, to relieve herself in, I think, " her death now passes to me"...
In the smell of the toilet, as I lean down to wipe it, her death, now my death, passes. Switches hosts.
You can feel it the rest of the day. Your sunburned , thirty year old face, is now grey, deathly.
The pains in your liver intensify. The mind, which I relied upon for so long for succor, has flicked the final switch. Decline. Falling by choice though. I'm done. The lady with the patchy hair, and frightened eyes, is just my excuse.
I was going to wait, hold off, until after my parole was finished, it was only going to be one year of parole, to retreat. Maybe collect disability for a while. Relax. I will not take the inferon, chemo therapy, to (possibly) defeat the hepatitis c virus in my blood.
If you YouTube peoples struggles, see one week, two... Two months, four... You will see why I made this decision.
They become nothing. Deflated. Playacting smiles. Eyes haunted. Like that lady that needed to empty her pain pill and pharmaceutical full bowels hurriedly, in a stinky old truckstop shower. Couldn't wait...
Can't. Wait....
Her grey hair, missing in patches, blows in the muggy , bathroom air as the fan rotates. Click click click Woosh, the plastic blades go. Clearly this woman is dying. Cancer maybe.
She needs to use the bathroom located in the shower; doesn't have the vitality to walk to the other end of the store to the womens room.
" yes ma'am", I say, " you can use this bathroom".
"thank you", she says, as she exits.
"have a nice day", I say.
She notices my hollow words. She thanks me again. I notice ... Her. Hollow words.
In the back of my mind, as I'm cleaning the shower she used, to relieve herself in, I think, " her death now passes to me"...
In the smell of the toilet, as I lean down to wipe it, her death, now my death, passes. Switches hosts.
You can feel it the rest of the day. Your sunburned , thirty year old face, is now grey, deathly.
The pains in your liver intensify. The mind, which I relied upon for so long for succor, has flicked the final switch. Decline. Falling by choice though. I'm done. The lady with the patchy hair, and frightened eyes, is just my excuse.
I was going to wait, hold off, until after my parole was finished, it was only going to be one year of parole, to retreat. Maybe collect disability for a while. Relax. I will not take the inferon, chemo therapy, to (possibly) defeat the hepatitis c virus in my blood.
If you YouTube peoples struggles, see one week, two... Two months, four... You will see why I made this decision.
They become nothing. Deflated. Playacting smiles. Eyes haunted. Like that lady that needed to empty her pain pill and pharmaceutical full bowels hurriedly, in a stinky old truckstop shower. Couldn't wait...
Can't. Wait....
Sunday 12 January 2014
*Scared Inarticulate Tongue-Tied Rabbits* #01-12-2014#
Maybe i am that... Now. But it is because i have to be. Im playing along with this free world shit. Going along. And its been six months since i walked out those prison gates, leg-chained and wrists-chained. I must be doing something right by being so wrong in the eyes of comrades.
Theres a cup of extreme caffine cappacino coursing through my veins. I drink coffee at night when i get off work. Usually only on my fridays, my weekends. I got 101 hours on my last paycheck. Thats 21 hours overtime. The DMV 1,000.00 fine is paid off. My 85 chevy has a new windshield, brakes and license plates. I responded to Green v. Downs two days ago. Im not fuckin around. Not a single cigarrette or beer has passed these lips.
I have a smart phone with all these APPs and constantly listen to music, even as i sleep. My nephews jump and holler my name each time they see me. For christmas i put new brakes on my moms car. Im looking to buy a house.
This is impossible, im not meant to make it. The courts actually waited six months to respond to my lawsuits, in hopes id spin out and die or end up incommunicado in some cell somewhere. I responded to this last motion the very next day, after i got off work at midnight to 4 a.m., i hand wrote and hand copied six pages.
I learned that after i paroled the Disability Law Center filed suit on Uinta One and the Utah State Prison for them using military death gas grenades on solitary, mentally-ill captives. All those i knew in those dungeons still sit tortured, 24 hours locked down. Across the country gay marriage and marijuana legalization has taken hold while the prison system is put to the wayside and forgotten about. These high school kids, whom i work with at my job, part-time workers in their late teens, look at me in disbelief when i say i spent the last ten years in a cell. But the scary thing is their lack of knowledge about amerikkas injustice system.
I told my nephew that amerikkan soldiers are the terrorists. That the only reason we are in the middle east is because corporations want their investments protected. I tell women all the time that no, i do not seek a relationship with you because i dont believe in oppressing you. It saddens them. My nephew wants to be a soldier anyway. Cool weapons, he says. Why are you so cold, she says.
Training i still do every week. Squats and pushups one week. Curls and shrugs the next. No poetry. some part of me is at a loss to develop the three poems a week i used to do. I imagine it is the music i listen to that takes the place of my inner dialogue that used to churn out rhymes.
It is an anniversary of sorts, this day, this moment.
Completion of everything i said i would do as i sat in that solitary cell looking out that crack they call a window, breathing that smelly, peppersprayed H20 they call air. It could all go to pot at a moments notice. I am super vigilant about whom i affiliate with. Im surprised the pigs havent tripped me up. Each time i hear keys rattle or see a cop car i get a jolt of adrenaline. I believe this will be with me for life.
So im going to set new goals this night, like a passport and pictures beneath the Eiffel Tower. Laying beneath a field of tulips in Holland and running from a red kangaroo in Australlia. Visiting MT. Kilamajaro and swimming in the Yellow River of China. But more importantly watching laws enacted state by state that reform the oppressive prison system. Witnessing the crumbling of the new Great Britain that has become Amerikka and the beginning of a new age...
But im afraid these laws wont occur, that its going to have to grow, maybe double in size and calamity before any Highschoolers notice, before marriage and recreational use of substances can be overshadowed with the main, true issue afflicting this country, the world. I.E. Solitary Confinement and the Death Penalty used as a tool to silence those who choose not to remain quiet. Dissenters forgotten and villified with "criminal" stigmas. Made less than human in the eyes of the world. So those in control, the bourgeois military complex and oil corporations twiddling the strings of each and every politician and president; The banks and genetically modified poison food buisnesses who control what goes in our mouths and pockets... Can control. Can Kill slowly with APR, warmongering, miles per gallon, flouride, and flouresant oranges.
There is this game that a Highschooler showed me that you can download onto your smart phone. It consists of an unseen energy that emits from historical sites all across the world. The Enlightened and The Resistance seek to control this energy. One to use its power to change Humankind, the other to contain this energy and keep it from affecting our species. for fear of what could happen.
GPS is used to pinpoint your precise location and nearness to portals. You are supposed to go and set up force fields at certain locations and protect them from the other side. People travel across states to each town to set up these cordons and return home and control them.
When i saw this kids eyes light up at the actions hed taken to uphold these imaginary beliefs in an imaginary war, imaginary worlds created by the oppressor, like Facebook and PS2 war video games, i felt extreme concern and sadness for the species, for our future. He doesnt realize this game is real and the portals are Prison Gates and Police Acadamies. That the enlightened are in chains or in hiding or buried in pine boxes in forgotten graves, veins filled with Sodium Penathol, hearts with 30.30 holes from Firing Squads.
The resistance controls the television and minds of the world. Republican Or Democrat, millionaire both. Our food, our air, resistance tainted. Our lives planned before we are even born, to live and die a slave to timeclocks, bills and stale dreams of Freedom and Happiness.
Our hutches filled with Flatscreens, our pockets emmitting squeeks, clips of country songs as ring tones and radiation. Chewing on our glowing carrotts, growing cancers inside that will leave our grandchildren paying medical bills. We put up our seasonal decorations that signify the best this society has to offer. To consume to the tune of our doom. Dumbed down, lop-eared, idiot rabbits waiting for the baseball bat to the back of the head. We sit, huge eyed, staring at the bars of our cages, wondering...
Whens the Savior going to return, which plants can we legally burn and can Jim and Joe be sealed in the church, sharing tax returns.
Death row captives eyes reflecting the flames of the Amerikkan dream as their breathing stops in front of packed bleachers of witnesses. The slow, painful heartbeats of all solitary captives sweeping floors for the fifth time this day, so many psychotropics coursing through their veins that they wish the pig, who murdered his neighbor the day before, good morning, as he serves him his 4500-th bologni sandwich.
Champagne toasts to state murder are testament to the deterioration of this society. Suicides in the military and the minds broken from solitary confinement. But some of us squeeze through the bars, broken bones and all, and manage to avoid the weasels. Wearing the fur of the enemy one can blend in...
To all those sleeping beneath the hallogens this night, on fifteen minute suicide checks, starved, atrophied, hopeless. Taped shut, stapled alive.
Theres a cup of extreme caffine cappacino coursing through my veins. I drink coffee at night when i get off work. Usually only on my fridays, my weekends. I got 101 hours on my last paycheck. Thats 21 hours overtime. The DMV 1,000.00 fine is paid off. My 85 chevy has a new windshield, brakes and license plates. I responded to Green v. Downs two days ago. Im not fuckin around. Not a single cigarrette or beer has passed these lips.
I have a smart phone with all these APPs and constantly listen to music, even as i sleep. My nephews jump and holler my name each time they see me. For christmas i put new brakes on my moms car. Im looking to buy a house.
This is impossible, im not meant to make it. The courts actually waited six months to respond to my lawsuits, in hopes id spin out and die or end up incommunicado in some cell somewhere. I responded to this last motion the very next day, after i got off work at midnight to 4 a.m., i hand wrote and hand copied six pages.
I learned that after i paroled the Disability Law Center filed suit on Uinta One and the Utah State Prison for them using military death gas grenades on solitary, mentally-ill captives. All those i knew in those dungeons still sit tortured, 24 hours locked down. Across the country gay marriage and marijuana legalization has taken hold while the prison system is put to the wayside and forgotten about. These high school kids, whom i work with at my job, part-time workers in their late teens, look at me in disbelief when i say i spent the last ten years in a cell. But the scary thing is their lack of knowledge about amerikkas injustice system.
I told my nephew that amerikkan soldiers are the terrorists. That the only reason we are in the middle east is because corporations want their investments protected. I tell women all the time that no, i do not seek a relationship with you because i dont believe in oppressing you. It saddens them. My nephew wants to be a soldier anyway. Cool weapons, he says. Why are you so cold, she says.
Training i still do every week. Squats and pushups one week. Curls and shrugs the next. No poetry. some part of me is at a loss to develop the three poems a week i used to do. I imagine it is the music i listen to that takes the place of my inner dialogue that used to churn out rhymes.
It is an anniversary of sorts, this day, this moment.
Completion of everything i said i would do as i sat in that solitary cell looking out that crack they call a window, breathing that smelly, peppersprayed H20 they call air. It could all go to pot at a moments notice. I am super vigilant about whom i affiliate with. Im surprised the pigs havent tripped me up. Each time i hear keys rattle or see a cop car i get a jolt of adrenaline. I believe this will be with me for life.
So im going to set new goals this night, like a passport and pictures beneath the Eiffel Tower. Laying beneath a field of tulips in Holland and running from a red kangaroo in Australlia. Visiting MT. Kilamajaro and swimming in the Yellow River of China. But more importantly watching laws enacted state by state that reform the oppressive prison system. Witnessing the crumbling of the new Great Britain that has become Amerikka and the beginning of a new age...
But im afraid these laws wont occur, that its going to have to grow, maybe double in size and calamity before any Highschoolers notice, before marriage and recreational use of substances can be overshadowed with the main, true issue afflicting this country, the world. I.E. Solitary Confinement and the Death Penalty used as a tool to silence those who choose not to remain quiet. Dissenters forgotten and villified with "criminal" stigmas. Made less than human in the eyes of the world. So those in control, the bourgeois military complex and oil corporations twiddling the strings of each and every politician and president; The banks and genetically modified poison food buisnesses who control what goes in our mouths and pockets... Can control. Can Kill slowly with APR, warmongering, miles per gallon, flouride, and flouresant oranges.
There is this game that a Highschooler showed me that you can download onto your smart phone. It consists of an unseen energy that emits from historical sites all across the world. The Enlightened and The Resistance seek to control this energy. One to use its power to change Humankind, the other to contain this energy and keep it from affecting our species. for fear of what could happen.
GPS is used to pinpoint your precise location and nearness to portals. You are supposed to go and set up force fields at certain locations and protect them from the other side. People travel across states to each town to set up these cordons and return home and control them.
When i saw this kids eyes light up at the actions hed taken to uphold these imaginary beliefs in an imaginary war, imaginary worlds created by the oppressor, like Facebook and PS2 war video games, i felt extreme concern and sadness for the species, for our future. He doesnt realize this game is real and the portals are Prison Gates and Police Acadamies. That the enlightened are in chains or in hiding or buried in pine boxes in forgotten graves, veins filled with Sodium Penathol, hearts with 30.30 holes from Firing Squads.
The resistance controls the television and minds of the world. Republican Or Democrat, millionaire both. Our food, our air, resistance tainted. Our lives planned before we are even born, to live and die a slave to timeclocks, bills and stale dreams of Freedom and Happiness.
Our hutches filled with Flatscreens, our pockets emmitting squeeks, clips of country songs as ring tones and radiation. Chewing on our glowing carrotts, growing cancers inside that will leave our grandchildren paying medical bills. We put up our seasonal decorations that signify the best this society has to offer. To consume to the tune of our doom. Dumbed down, lop-eared, idiot rabbits waiting for the baseball bat to the back of the head. We sit, huge eyed, staring at the bars of our cages, wondering...
Whens the Savior going to return, which plants can we legally burn and can Jim and Joe be sealed in the church, sharing tax returns.
Death row captives eyes reflecting the flames of the Amerikkan dream as their breathing stops in front of packed bleachers of witnesses. The slow, painful heartbeats of all solitary captives sweeping floors for the fifth time this day, so many psychotropics coursing through their veins that they wish the pig, who murdered his neighbor the day before, good morning, as he serves him his 4500-th bologni sandwich.
Champagne toasts to state murder are testament to the deterioration of this society. Suicides in the military and the minds broken from solitary confinement. But some of us squeeze through the bars, broken bones and all, and manage to avoid the weasels. Wearing the fur of the enemy one can blend in...
To all those sleeping beneath the hallogens this night, on fifteen minute suicide checks, starved, atrophied, hopeless. Taped shut, stapled alive.
You are smarter than the oppressor and stronger. Keep that in mind.
Fearless Intelligent Articulate Enlightened Rise Up!
We will win!
And until then we will smile slyly at you beneath your skin...
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