Saturday, 26 October 2013

*Lehmans cave* 10.27.2013

....  been like this since birth. tough love tough life
when all along looking for a reason in real eyes....

did it. here. this side of the fence
wake up. sleep. to the tune of dead presidents

looking into the eyes of judgemental cowards
snickering females that dont know what real man is

a month ago i ceased my train
in order to lower myself and dull the sharpness.
desensitize my mind. become one
with those i freeworld do time

as the sweat dripped into carpet this afternoon
and my nephew giggled watching you tube
peanut butter jelly time cartoon

my voice lightened like yellow leaves falling
and laughter, colors... i wondered why i would
lower myself to please those diseased

cant connect. see eye to eye
out here its what now, this second, can get us by
but death in numbness equals no life

visits to the graveyard feel like coming home
tapping texts that suck my soul from the bone

seven seventy five an hour
three hundred dollar bi weekly paychecks
spent buying ammunition for parole officers gun
paying off the beast smiling like its fun

body that sat a decade in a hole
wrapped in mcdonalds belt
wiping tables, breaking down boxes
smiling like its fun

you want it to stop but it never does
paycheck to paycheck
bells tolling, rubber thinner
home. work. dinners done

dressed in black, back to a tree, gravestone surrounded
cars circling roads around markers, not even getting out
dont want to leave surround-sound for one second
uncushioned existence awkward. change the station

double meal. happy nuggets
fighting the fuck its
the what if blues and what is

you say you are happy
car door slam. car door shut
but i can smell your pains emanating
like grease behind the fryers stalagmites

staligtites dripping. smiling, smiling,
wired to feel happiness