*Lolligaggin* 09/03/2015
The throbbing in your right abdomen persists. Its the sign of impending death. What to do... What to do... What to do.
Immobility eases it some. Its funny, i lauded myself for so long for my ability to keep a clear head and equanimity through anything. Now i feel like a drowning rag doll most of the time.
And the nightmares. The waking up suddenly after four hours sleep to full body cramps. Just want to lay here but i get hungry...
I go around. See people. People i knew. But... I guess people i KNOW (?) Why is everything in past tense now? Like i used to this. I used to that. Even as i do it i used to do it.
Found myself at the liqueur store the other day after my doctors appointment. But it didn't open till noon. It was 8am. I don't drink. I shouldn't really. I get crazy.
Vegas sounds real good.
I wish to remain clearheaded as possible through it all as its getting real crazy deep lately. Its like tasty. Life has become tasty. I'm savoring the tragedy around me. Its everywhere. Pain, sorrow, confusion. Yummy.
If you try to avoid it'll get below your skin. Not good. Savor, buddy. Taste, retch but do not swallow.
It's all a game basically feels like. Like, ya, there's purpose to it all somewhere but fuck if i know what it is. Its just like checkpoints are crossed and i acknowledge them with a tip of the hat and continue. Onward. Always forward into the mist.
I've did it. Everything set out finished. Done. Stick a fork in me.
Fingers itch knowing the grand finale is nigh.
The damn graveyard doesn't seem very comfortable though anymore. I used to go there after work when i used to walk. Now i figure to become missing but presumed sounds funner. To find some blue lake to be found in as skelaton. Poetry.
Everytime i end something completely something begins completely. Its why i enjoy startings and finale's.
Poems, relationships, steaks.
Shits getting wild in the Rockies motherfuckers. Better hold on.
Kisses.
Sunday, 30 August 2015
* Never Mine Always Hers* 08/30/2015
It was like a whirlwind
Temptuous
And as i sit windless, alone
I miss the feel of the gales bloodily
Tearing away cruelessly at my skin
It was like in eight months
I forgot all about those ten years
Solitary and Alone
But now they're here again
Like sandpaper filled seashells stepped on
By bloody, windblown skin
Never once did she rub my back
The money i made was hers
She even left me on my birthday
Never mine but always her hurt
My concern
Total focus
Now I'm left with nothing except all I'd given up
You can't imagine it
The way her brown eyes conveyed mystery
Asian eyes on latina ass cheeks
Her toes and fingers those of Mayan princess
Hair cascaded down shoulders of an Aztec queen
Her walk the most preciously obscene
Jeans, black eye liner and nail polish
Beyond angelic speaking her new language
Driving her stickshift Tiida in anger
Walking through the door after work in tears
Up and down in constant emotion
I was crushed and beaten with her feelings
It was always too much and never enough
It was she's needy and I've nothing left
Wishing someone can handle her
Wanting to kill anyone who touches her
Touched her so much that now I'm dead
She's gone now a country away
And now I'm here again with my feet on the ground
And i don't like it i want it to stop
Just end please this feeling
Read meaning in these bloody footsteps
Of a man who flew because of a woman
For so long he forgot how to walk
It was like a whirlwind
Temptuous
And as i sit windless, alone
I miss the feel of the gales bloodily
Tearing away cruelessly at my skin
It was like in eight months
I forgot all about those ten years
Solitary and Alone
But now they're here again
Like sandpaper filled seashells stepped on
By bloody, windblown skin
Never once did she rub my back
The money i made was hers
She even left me on my birthday
Never mine but always her hurt
My concern
Total focus
Now I'm left with nothing except all I'd given up
You can't imagine it
The way her brown eyes conveyed mystery
Asian eyes on latina ass cheeks
Her toes and fingers those of Mayan princess
Hair cascaded down shoulders of an Aztec queen
Her walk the most preciously obscene
Jeans, black eye liner and nail polish
Beyond angelic speaking her new language
Driving her stickshift Tiida in anger
Walking through the door after work in tears
Up and down in constant emotion
I was crushed and beaten with her feelings
It was always too much and never enough
It was she's needy and I've nothing left
Wishing someone can handle her
Wanting to kill anyone who touches her
Touched her so much that now I'm dead
She's gone now a country away
And now I'm here again with my feet on the ground
And i don't like it i want it to stop
Just end please this feeling
Read meaning in these bloody footsteps
Of a man who flew because of a woman
For so long he forgot how to walk
Tuesday, 25 August 2015
*Shitty Fingers* 08/25/2015
Weight lifting and watering the lawn
Not working to enrich the man anymore
Set on using my wiles to gather others waste
Enough of everything floating around to subsist
Preparing for the worst by relaxing
Letting it happen while muscle builds
Bilking the government for pantry paycheck
Going to use my prison mental upset to get
Manipulate the system until system implodes
Until the land earthquakes into sea
Or falling rock rockets cometesque earthward
Collapsing the tunnelworks hidden like Mormon swearword
Not gonna do it anymore
Playing along with your consumption
The playacting of wanting blasted upon brainstems
With trivial knowledges driveled unto deathishness
Made up histories and make believe futures
So out of reach and out of touch
Beyond retching and explatory motherfucks
Like shitting the only truth we've left
On the comode with the one remaining truth
What goes in must go out
And what empires rise
Must be wiped from the face of the world
Skidmarked like cheap gravestones
Trailing like skelatons behind amerikkan flags
Flushed away like lower class families dads
Imprisoned in noncorrectional sewers
Making it another day in order to flush it
That's it
That's all I've got
Weight lifting and watering the lawn
Not working to enrich the man anymore
Set on using my wiles to gather others waste
Enough of everything floating around to subsist
Preparing for the worst by relaxing
Letting it happen while muscle builds
Bilking the government for pantry paycheck
Going to use my prison mental upset to get
Manipulate the system until system implodes
Until the land earthquakes into sea
Or falling rock rockets cometesque earthward
Collapsing the tunnelworks hidden like Mormon swearword
Not gonna do it anymore
Playing along with your consumption
The playacting of wanting blasted upon brainstems
With trivial knowledges driveled unto deathishness
Made up histories and make believe futures
So out of reach and out of touch
Beyond retching and explatory motherfucks
Like shitting the only truth we've left
On the comode with the one remaining truth
What goes in must go out
And what empires rise
Must be wiped from the face of the world
Skidmarked like cheap gravestones
Trailing like skelatons behind amerikkan flags
Flushed away like lower class families dads
Imprisoned in noncorrectional sewers
Making it another day in order to flush it
That's it
That's all I've got
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