*Dear Heart* 06/13/2015

Its been six months since i switched jobs from the truck stop to the pig farms. On the day i interviewed i met this international Mexican girl. We've been inseparable ever since. We've got ourselves a place. Been living together two months. But...

Its driving me crazy. The worry. The constant wondering about if this is real. If what we have is reality or just some illusion. Like , have i built myself this castle in the sand that's already washed away and I'm just seeing the mirage of what once was.

Its all in the fact that I've got no life. She says. I mean, not meanly does she say it but its that I've cut off my life ive built, since getting out of prison two years ago, just for her. Left my dad and brother to fend for themselves. Gave up the addition id built onto my fathers house, in order to pay rent on a Trailor house in town. Town. I hate living in town. I hate not having time for myself.

Its like all i gave up for her was all that she saw in me to like. And six months to the day, in two days exactly, its all going to end. I feel it. We're done. Through.

And all i can think is " WHEW" . "That was wild and fun yet trying as all hell and I'm glad its over."

Its time to return to the cedar trees and the solitude. My solitude. My writing. My mind.

I've missed you. . .

* Silent Ships * 03/26/2015

If you sit after a strenuous workout and think
Realizing you've been acting like an utter fool
For the simple fact you gave up your exercise
Seeking serotonin in an impossible relationship

When you wake up
When you knew before you opened your eyes
That you shouldn't have stirred
Should of remained blind
Because it was so easy to lead and lead on
Dumb and stupid

They say the intelligent practice the strenuous physical
Because it frees up the ability in the mental
I say I've let the girl lead the blind so long because
I wanted to walk in the dark for once
To see how the rest feel

As the curls put the cap on top
Of my bench press, squat outlook
I noticed again that relationships
Mean nothing in this age of meaninglessness

That your breath, the breath we breathe alone
Can be listened to unto bothering
Or silenced until your listening of other breaths
Detects the bothered that have forgotten
Noisily breathing seeking noisier breaths

I.E. relationship

My heart thumps with the knowledge silence is my friend
And everyone must first themselves come to this conclusion alone
And my voice and eyes become what some discover
Instead of what this visage covers

Nothing
Turned into a something
That reflects the things shined upon me
With no emotion or needing
Just the acknowledgment that in passing
We recognize the noises seconds are creating
And we
As simple complex skin instruments

Take in and exhale with certain rings laced with feelings
Tones of the worst among us megaphoned
Because faces shine with beauty
The voices with the answers silenced because they seem ugly
Its a game of lenses and electricity
A volleyball of the insane stupidity
That you'll never see with veins caked and greasy
With a heart that doesn't beat completely

Its ghostly with the overlarge and underskinny
Seeking momentary-pain-endings in THINGS
That just perpetuate the pain in their veins
The shrinking of brains and loudening of breaths

Until they can't take it and snap
Finding the silence finally in finality
Like this is it
The current in the current

Only those that know nonexistance while existing
Silence in the noisy
Relationship in a society of nonrelationship

Can say they've lived in the minute
For the lives of the next
Can witness what it is to cherish each second
For the sake of the one day existent

Who'll carry evolution into its silence
And bring meaning to the present greed meaninglessness
Capitalists can talk themselves to death as we wait in the shadows

The everpresent
Relationshipless

* Threesome * 03/16/2015

Death fucks me up and so do girls
When people die its like they must haunt my memories
Times shared together rerunned repeatedly
Searching for meaning

Relationships began with big dreams in mind
But ended because i convince myself I'm a burden
Is it the classic bachelor guilt syndrome
Where i blame the breakup on the ones i hurt

Sex and memories shuffled in my mind
Getting sick of the same old day in day out
Until you lose it for a while and seek it out

I told you so isn't allowed overtop gravestones
I love you so isn't meant soley
I love you now so but her now so
And the telling you so so that your soul can suffer more
No

As species are fastforwarded intellectually
The key is to not stagnate or become dependent
Stick and move creatively relationship up
Then separate like we must from this boring oil

Like we must from the Washington and Jefferson
Godheads imagined in minds long dust
Like we must impregnate and fight wanderlust

So confused searching for the pattern
That will explain the beginning
But we can't understand the meaning until the ending
So theres a tomorrow for the confused
Time left for the sick

Numb-know-everythings sure signs of imminent endings
An empires demise is always forecasted as a new beginning
A Womans love is just the hate for her loves last ending reincarnated

Like the flowers growing through the skulls
Of the final 300 amerikkan soldiers
Immortalized underneath fields of grass stained victors
Portrayed on big screens warning future generations

Beware warmongering blind imperialism
Sure sign of imminent ending
Like her head on your chest
And all you can think about is her roommates underthings

* Jericho 101 * 03/11/2015

Like the name of some long lost city by the dead sea
Or the man ejected from his windshield at 95 mph
Whom i trained with for a month
Listening to him joke about how short a time it takes
From home to work

Life to death
A split second
Falling asleep at the wheels of our destinies
Found in lazyboys or bushes bloodless

Thoughtless, unconscious corpses existing soley
For anger and pain pinball
Better than thou speedometers pressed to the limits

Caught up in this world so much i forget
What I've been through and whom it took
To make it through as all was taken away

Know the community witnesses
This eyewitness of the worst
Speakless inhumanities just down the way
Upstate prison inkkkarceration nation

Where the pigs and nazis sport swastikas
Overseers overseeing oppressed nations
With aryan prison gangs

Judges, street and gulag pigs in cahoots
No first amendment rights to even a book
Dignities stolen as you curl fetal on strip cell
In front of a camera naked in solitary

Starved, sleep deprived, ridiculed day in and day out until
You catch on to punch line and begin laughing at yourself
Like... look at this worthless Fuck in the mirror

Ha. Ha ha. The dehumanizing demonizing injustice system
Set up to pick up where slavery left off
Built to cease and desist the revolutionary movement

This says something about the possibility of those
Them that rattle chains in dungeons unheard
Not the romanticized Hollywood but the true

Unshowered, uncut versions in the millions
Waking up to new days in perpetual nights
The minds capable of flight tethered
By the brains of the gutter hitlerites

Big banked behind oppressive educations and wars
Debt, CBS NBCed pipsqueek unscientific understudied oppressors
Unwilling and unwanting of flight
Grasping the earth with talons of oil rigs

Locked up and motionless like sows in heat
Shivering in D.C. and the U.N. U.$. Strongholds
Bastions of bastards military based around the world

Like sore thumbs sticking up waiting for the smash
Similar to stock markets and mortgages
Failing like bridges and nuclear families

His body ejected two mornings ago
Because he was fifteen minutes late for work
At a job, that because of time change, we had to wake at 3 a.m. for

And to clock out at 4 p.m. enslaved
So exhausted we envy Jericho his quick and sudden death
We envy he who is death rowed because his chain chafing
Will cease like the deceased in the field in the early morning

Breathing his last breath like , " fuck ya, Fuck this. Peace!"
Released. Like Ronnie Gardners last breath before swaztikad firing squads
Made up of his brothers

Listen to the keys rattle comrades as you sit tonight
Pupils dialated to the orange glows in night lights and halogens
They always change hands these
The captors become the captive
Its history, proven over and over again
Just listen

We. Kaching. Will. Click. WIN
Motherfucking indubitably
So rattle like the final gasps of histories most evil empire
For now

Prison house and military sore house of nations
The Great Snake Amerikka entrailed across mother earth
Slithering in and out of seas exposed to death by a thousand cuts

Like the coward you are labor aristocracy
Modern day fascist middle class
Awaiting the taking away and the slash

That's all class

* Prayer of Allegiance * 02/26/2015

Big prisons, big money, hidden racism
National oppression secreted away Abu Grahib style
Takes thirty years of reaganomics and drug war
To complete bourgeois smashing of middle class

Look into the evil eyes of every presidents final years
Podium lying with banker hands assed tightly manipulating
See the faces of returning soldiers
Stealing freedoms they were sworn to protect

Realizations
Rich protecting their existences
From realizations
Poor, oppressed realizations

At the towers of TV and radio stations
Posted up in prison towers
Crosshairs on the mind
Like the solitary cells set up to digest
Slowly, the minds and bodies of the most progressive

Those with nothing to lose but their chains
We will win again and again
Power to the people destined
Death to the puppeteers behind the silk curtain

Hungry and cold the strip celled await breakfast
Unbroken, refusing pharmaceutical poisons
Another day for the fact it weakens resolve
As all around captives snore doped to the gills

More punishment because of refusal
Acknowledgment of tiny resistance
With basic needs withheld
For years

Like he who completes inhuman task
With broken back and collapses
On the stage before witnesses
For the simple second of eye contact
As heart stops with a single audience member

Like, remember
When you tuck in your little ones
What you've done
With your 30.30 caliber firing squads
Sensory deprivation then painful lethal injections

Blink
A heartbeat

They can only hide us for so long
Force medicate and sleep deprive so long
Before those who cage have family caged
Before those who control have loved ones suffering under control

Before you pledge allegiance to your trash flag
Bloodied with the innocent buried in cement
Tarnished with the deformed babies born because U.$. munitions

Believe your God is a better God
But refuse consideration of no God
Because fear for your afterlife
Overrides your love of the present
Like Amerikka thinks they have the right
Because they're rich and Christian
To destroy the poor nonchristian

Pig religiosity, swine patriotism
Pink prison administrations and parole boards
Overseeing the brown skinned
Owing years and checks
Federal government withholding and holding
Down those able to rise up

My death will be like nothing
The life built forgot
Spit on even by those i loved

Its the way they want it
No foundation, no dedication
Nothing allowed to chapter one in to The End
Perpetuation
Of the enemy being your best friend
The priest being everything
And your own father and brother worthy of cop calling

Because property and property damage
In capitalist society overshadows family
White skin undershadows the prison system
Underlining skin tint warred upon and caged

To please your Jesus
Your fake Jesus
Heartbeatless, podiumed presidents
Cold as the strip celled
Fingers gripping microphones and flexi pens
The alive verses the dead

Muhammad verses Christian
Black verses white
Rich verses Poor
Day and Night, Life and Death

Contradictions like seconds
Hour hand continually overturns
We think in rising and falling empires
You, with your eternal afterlife crutches
Sitting in comfort
Unaware that the present uncomfortable

Hold the keys to Emerald city
Peoples future verses presents false pasts
The inevitable verses the rich, frightened hands
Clutching
Impossible, untenable historically disproven plans

Blink
A heartbeat
Unrealized

Realizations in generations
100 year heartbeats

Just a stage built each day of resistance
Strip celled, sensory deprived
Shock and Awed

Awaiting
The inevitable of existence
The age old table turning of contradiction

My God
We the people
OUR JESUS

* Swine Flu *

That you care
That you can
Ability in ability
To do the hardest
Beat down continually in proving grounds of bullshit

That they know
That they see
This completeness
That's complete facade
Doing all this for no apparent reason but because

This is it
The posturing of advanced apes
Thinking they are godly or devily
Smelling our way through the spectrums

Can't pallbear the corporate establishment
When you must pay them to bury them

Can't smash the modern koncentration kamps
When the solitary buried and state murdered
Are applauded like the false wars
Fake borders and imagined supremacies

Amerikka the great snake
Slithering along mountainous spines
In the atmosphere with failing infrastructure
Doomed mother fucker
Shed your existence like the skin
Egyptian, Roman, Greecian empire repeat

Where the societal ump turns imp
Limp in the lap of luxurious breading
Caked in greed whitened like the raw bone handcuffed away
In Guantanamo

The sick stomachs trailwayed
With forcefeedings
Of Dorito paste
And Pepsi

Blood coughed into blue eyes
Wiped away with moisturized fingers
That tremble at the inconsistencies in the propaganda machine
Trailing out pig ear

Drip. Drip...

* Our Daily Bread *

Listenin to the crunch crunch of tires on gravel
Hearing pigs rooting at the confines of their gates
Sittin in the seat of an 85 Chevy silverado
Pajamad, thoroughly rested and awaiting
Another day on the time clock earning an existence

She sleeps bundled up in blankets eskimolike
Left her shivering and sore like the rest
Father delusional suffering seizures
Seated in chairs not sat for decades
Cousin a thief stealing gasoline from grampa
Brother an addict stealing comfort from cease of sickness

Stomped my brothers face into unconsciousness
After 800 dollar Vizio flatscreen smashed by his hand
Broken noses and knuckles
Father twitching with seizures on the couch
Girls screaming, vodka spilling, voices raised

Sun begins to rise, beckoning bales of hay for cattle
Old trucks fired for daily chores
Medications choked down wrinkled throats
Days coughed up onto our tired chests
Like phlegm from the cheapest tobacco
Shits from the cheapest alcohol

We spin on this rock awaiting easement
Encased in our situations troubles
When all along unknowing of our meaninglessness
Specks on the back of Afrikaan elephants
Ticks in the side of time
Sucking fucking and shitting cursing
Being alive