*This Time* 06/14/2015
Corrosive cornucopia of caring
Sexing constantly
Seeing that this that was always wanted
Causes this weakness
To begin at endings
Knowing its all constant continuation
And nothing stops just changes
Contradictions contradicting repeatedly
Too much not enough
Enough too much
Causing heart hurt from over exertion
Or pains from loneliness
Overgiving or underliving
You should see her though
The way her hips sing songs
Her eyes speak in tongues
About lost tribes sculpturing meaning
Upon this rock of meaninglessness
Skin that hurts in its softness
Anger that heals in its fierceness
Slaps and hugs and claspings
Letting go only to hold on
So much we've been through
And its only been six months
More emotions than six years in a cell
In just six minutes of looking in each others eyes
June 16th. One month shy
Of two years out
Missed one day of work
This whole time
And it was her birthday
My reason. She's become
Reason
" I want to go home to Mexico"
Crestfallen. Her children
Her parents she's missing
I'm the tether that holds her she says
But I'm wrist chained
Waist wrapped
Around her sweet existence
Grasping
Never felt this tear clouded smiling
This sickness of heart that causes butterflies
This lifting and falling of feeling
I'm lost
Tossed upon her waves
Curled up in her hair like feminine finger
Tracing the stubble along jawline
Thinking maybe
Maybe this time
This month this cycle
A baby
Our baby
Maybe...
Sunday, 14 June 2015
*Dear Heart* 06/13/2015
Its been six months since i switched jobs from the truck stop to the pig farms. On the day i interviewed i met this international Mexican girl. We've been inseparable ever since. We've got ourselves a place. Been living together two months. But...
Its driving me crazy. The worry. The constant wondering about if this is real. If what we have is reality or just some illusion. Like , have i built myself this castle in the sand that's already washed away and I'm just seeing the mirage of what once was.
Its all in the fact that I've got no life. She says. I mean, not meanly does she say it but its that I've cut off my life ive built, since getting out of prison two years ago, just for her. Left my dad and brother to fend for themselves. Gave up the addition id built onto my fathers house, in order to pay rent on a Trailor house in town. Town. I hate living in town. I hate not having time for myself.
Its like all i gave up for her was all that she saw in me to like. And six months to the day, in two days exactly, its all going to end. I feel it. We're done. Through.
And all i can think is " WHEW" . "That was wild and fun yet trying as all hell and I'm glad its over."
Its time to return to the cedar trees and the solitude. My solitude. My writing. My mind.
I've missed you. . .
Its been six months since i switched jobs from the truck stop to the pig farms. On the day i interviewed i met this international Mexican girl. We've been inseparable ever since. We've got ourselves a place. Been living together two months. But...
Its driving me crazy. The worry. The constant wondering about if this is real. If what we have is reality or just some illusion. Like , have i built myself this castle in the sand that's already washed away and I'm just seeing the mirage of what once was.
Its all in the fact that I've got no life. She says. I mean, not meanly does she say it but its that I've cut off my life ive built, since getting out of prison two years ago, just for her. Left my dad and brother to fend for themselves. Gave up the addition id built onto my fathers house, in order to pay rent on a Trailor house in town. Town. I hate living in town. I hate not having time for myself.
Its like all i gave up for her was all that she saw in me to like. And six months to the day, in two days exactly, its all going to end. I feel it. We're done. Through.
And all i can think is " WHEW" . "That was wild and fun yet trying as all hell and I'm glad its over."
Its time to return to the cedar trees and the solitude. My solitude. My writing. My mind.
I've missed you. . .
Thursday, 26 March 2015
* Silent Ships * 03/26/2015
If you sit after a strenuous workout and think
Realizing you've been acting like an utter fool
For the simple fact you gave up your exercise
Seeking serotonin in an impossible relationship
When you wake up
When you knew before you opened your eyes
That you shouldn't have stirred
Should of remained blind
Because it was so easy to lead and lead on
Dumb and stupid
They say the intelligent practice the strenuous physical
Because it frees up the ability in the mental
I say I've let the girl lead the blind so long because
I wanted to walk in the dark for once
To see how the rest feel
As the curls put the cap on top
Of my bench press, squat outlook
I noticed again that relationships
Mean nothing in this age of meaninglessness
That your breath, the breath we breathe alone
Can be listened to unto bothering
Or silenced until your listening of other breaths
Detects the bothered that have forgotten
Noisily breathing seeking noisier breaths
I.E. relationship
My heart thumps with the knowledge silence is my friend
And everyone must first themselves come to this conclusion alone
And my voice and eyes become what some discover
Instead of what this visage covers
Nothing
Turned into a something
That reflects the things shined upon me
With no emotion or needing
Just the acknowledgment that in passing
We recognize the noises seconds are creating
And we
As simple complex skin instruments
Take in and exhale with certain rings laced with feelings
Tones of the worst among us megaphoned
Because faces shine with beauty
The voices with the answers silenced because they seem ugly
Its a game of lenses and electricity
A volleyball of the insane stupidity
That you'll never see with veins caked and greasy
With a heart that doesn't beat completely
Its ghostly with the overlarge and underskinny
Seeking momentary-pain-endings in THINGS
That just perpetuate the pain in their veins
The shrinking of brains and loudening of breaths
Until they can't take it and snap
Finding the silence finally in finality
Like this is it
The current in the current
Only those that know nonexistance while existing
Silence in the noisy
Relationship in a society of nonrelationship
Can say they've lived in the minute
For the lives of the next
Can witness what it is to cherish each second
For the sake of the one day existent
Who'll carry evolution into its silence
And bring meaning to the present greed meaninglessness
Capitalists can talk themselves to death as we wait in the shadows
The everpresent
Relationshipless
If you sit after a strenuous workout and think
Realizing you've been acting like an utter fool
For the simple fact you gave up your exercise
Seeking serotonin in an impossible relationship
When you wake up
When you knew before you opened your eyes
That you shouldn't have stirred
Should of remained blind
Because it was so easy to lead and lead on
Dumb and stupid
They say the intelligent practice the strenuous physical
Because it frees up the ability in the mental
I say I've let the girl lead the blind so long because
I wanted to walk in the dark for once
To see how the rest feel
As the curls put the cap on top
Of my bench press, squat outlook
I noticed again that relationships
Mean nothing in this age of meaninglessness
That your breath, the breath we breathe alone
Can be listened to unto bothering
Or silenced until your listening of other breaths
Detects the bothered that have forgotten
Noisily breathing seeking noisier breaths
I.E. relationship
My heart thumps with the knowledge silence is my friend
And everyone must first themselves come to this conclusion alone
And my voice and eyes become what some discover
Instead of what this visage covers
Nothing
Turned into a something
That reflects the things shined upon me
With no emotion or needing
Just the acknowledgment that in passing
We recognize the noises seconds are creating
And we
As simple complex skin instruments
Take in and exhale with certain rings laced with feelings
Tones of the worst among us megaphoned
Because faces shine with beauty
The voices with the answers silenced because they seem ugly
Its a game of lenses and electricity
A volleyball of the insane stupidity
That you'll never see with veins caked and greasy
With a heart that doesn't beat completely
Its ghostly with the overlarge and underskinny
Seeking momentary-pain-endings in THINGS
That just perpetuate the pain in their veins
The shrinking of brains and loudening of breaths
Until they can't take it and snap
Finding the silence finally in finality
Like this is it
The current in the current
Only those that know nonexistance while existing
Silence in the noisy
Relationship in a society of nonrelationship
Can say they've lived in the minute
For the lives of the next
Can witness what it is to cherish each second
For the sake of the one day existent
Who'll carry evolution into its silence
And bring meaning to the present greed meaninglessness
Capitalists can talk themselves to death as we wait in the shadows
The everpresent
Relationshipless
Monday, 16 March 2015
* Threesome * 03/16/2015
Death fucks me up and so do girls
When people die its like they must haunt my memories
Times shared together rerunned repeatedly
Searching for meaning
Relationships began with big dreams in mind
But ended because i convince myself I'm a burden
Is it the classic bachelor guilt syndrome
Where i blame the breakup on the ones i hurt
Sex and memories shuffled in my mind
Getting sick of the same old day in day out
Until you lose it for a while and seek it out
I told you so isn't allowed overtop gravestones
I love you so isn't meant soley
I love you now so but her now so
And the telling you so so that your soul can suffer more
No
As species are fastforwarded intellectually
The key is to not stagnate or become dependent
Stick and move creatively relationship up
Then separate like we must from this boring oil
Like we must from the Washington and Jefferson
Godheads imagined in minds long dust
Like we must impregnate and fight wanderlust
So confused searching for the pattern
That will explain the beginning
But we can't understand the meaning until the ending
So theres a tomorrow for the confused
Time left for the sick
Numb-know-everythings sure signs of imminent endings
An empires demise is always forecasted as a new beginning
A Womans love is just the hate for her loves last ending reincarnated
Like the flowers growing through the skulls
Of the final 300 amerikkan soldiers
Immortalized underneath fields of grass stained victors
Portrayed on big screens warning future generations
Beware warmongering blind imperialism
Sure sign of imminent ending
Like her head on your chest
And all you can think about is her roommates underthings
Death fucks me up and so do girls
When people die its like they must haunt my memories
Times shared together rerunned repeatedly
Searching for meaning
Relationships began with big dreams in mind
But ended because i convince myself I'm a burden
Is it the classic bachelor guilt syndrome
Where i blame the breakup on the ones i hurt
Sex and memories shuffled in my mind
Getting sick of the same old day in day out
Until you lose it for a while and seek it out
I told you so isn't allowed overtop gravestones
I love you so isn't meant soley
I love you now so but her now so
And the telling you so so that your soul can suffer more
No
As species are fastforwarded intellectually
The key is to not stagnate or become dependent
Stick and move creatively relationship up
Then separate like we must from this boring oil
Like we must from the Washington and Jefferson
Godheads imagined in minds long dust
Like we must impregnate and fight wanderlust
So confused searching for the pattern
That will explain the beginning
But we can't understand the meaning until the ending
So theres a tomorrow for the confused
Time left for the sick
Numb-know-everythings sure signs of imminent endings
An empires demise is always forecasted as a new beginning
A Womans love is just the hate for her loves last ending reincarnated
Like the flowers growing through the skulls
Of the final 300 amerikkan soldiers
Immortalized underneath fields of grass stained victors
Portrayed on big screens warning future generations
Beware warmongering blind imperialism
Sure sign of imminent ending
Like her head on your chest
And all you can think about is her roommates underthings
Wednesday, 11 March 2015
* Jericho 101 * 03/11/2015
Like the name of some long lost city by the dead sea
Or the man ejected from his windshield at 95 mph
Whom i trained with for a month
Listening to him joke about how short a time it takes
From home to work
Life to death
A split second
Falling asleep at the wheels of our destinies
Found in lazyboys or bushes bloodless
Thoughtless, unconscious corpses existing soley
For anger and pain pinball
Better than thou speedometers pressed to the limits
Caught up in this world so much i forget
What I've been through and whom it took
To make it through as all was taken away
Know the community witnesses
This eyewitness of the worst
Speakless inhumanities just down the way
Upstate prison inkkkarceration nation
Where the pigs and nazis sport swastikas
Overseers overseeing oppressed nations
With aryan prison gangs
Judges, street and gulag pigs in cahoots
No first amendment rights to even a book
Dignities stolen as you curl fetal on strip cell
In front of a camera naked in solitary
Starved, sleep deprived, ridiculed day in and day out until
You catch on to punch line and begin laughing at yourself
Like... look at this worthless Fuck in the mirror
Ha. Ha ha. The dehumanizing demonizing injustice system
Set up to pick up where slavery left off
Built to cease and desist the revolutionary movement
This says something about the possibility of those
Them that rattle chains in dungeons unheard
Not the romanticized Hollywood but the true
Unshowered, uncut versions in the millions
Waking up to new days in perpetual nights
The minds capable of flight tethered
By the brains of the gutter hitlerites
Big banked behind oppressive educations and wars
Debt, CBS NBCed pipsqueek unscientific understudied oppressors
Unwilling and unwanting of flight
Grasping the earth with talons of oil rigs
Locked up and motionless like sows in heat
Shivering in D.C. and the U.N. U.$. Strongholds
Bastions of bastards military based around the world
Like sore thumbs sticking up waiting for the smash
Similar to stock markets and mortgages
Failing like bridges and nuclear families
His body ejected two mornings ago
Because he was fifteen minutes late for work
At a job, that because of time change, we had to wake at 3 a.m. for
And to clock out at 4 p.m. enslaved
So exhausted we envy Jericho his quick and sudden death
We envy he who is death rowed because his chain chafing
Will cease like the deceased in the field in the early morning
Breathing his last breath like , " fuck ya, Fuck this. Peace!"
Released. Like Ronnie Gardners last breath before swaztikad firing squads
Made up of his brothers
Listen to the keys rattle comrades as you sit tonight
Pupils dialated to the orange glows in night lights and halogens
They always change hands these
The captors become the captive
Its history, proven over and over again
Just listen
We. Kaching. Will. Click. WIN
Motherfucking indubitably
So rattle like the final gasps of histories most evil empire
For now
Prison house and military sore house of nations
The Great Snake Amerikka entrailed across mother earth
Slithering in and out of seas exposed to death by a thousand cuts
Like the coward you are labor aristocracy
Modern day fascist middle class
Awaiting the taking away and the slash
That's all class
Like the name of some long lost city by the dead sea
Or the man ejected from his windshield at 95 mph
Whom i trained with for a month
Listening to him joke about how short a time it takes
From home to work
Life to death
A split second
Falling asleep at the wheels of our destinies
Found in lazyboys or bushes bloodless
Thoughtless, unconscious corpses existing soley
For anger and pain pinball
Better than thou speedometers pressed to the limits
Caught up in this world so much i forget
What I've been through and whom it took
To make it through as all was taken away
Know the community witnesses
This eyewitness of the worst
Speakless inhumanities just down the way
Upstate prison inkkkarceration nation
Where the pigs and nazis sport swastikas
Overseers overseeing oppressed nations
With aryan prison gangs
Judges, street and gulag pigs in cahoots
No first amendment rights to even a book
Dignities stolen as you curl fetal on strip cell
In front of a camera naked in solitary
Starved, sleep deprived, ridiculed day in and day out until
You catch on to punch line and begin laughing at yourself
Like... look at this worthless Fuck in the mirror
Ha. Ha ha. The dehumanizing demonizing injustice system
Set up to pick up where slavery left off
Built to cease and desist the revolutionary movement
This says something about the possibility of those
Them that rattle chains in dungeons unheard
Not the romanticized Hollywood but the true
Unshowered, uncut versions in the millions
Waking up to new days in perpetual nights
The minds capable of flight tethered
By the brains of the gutter hitlerites
Big banked behind oppressive educations and wars
Debt, CBS NBCed pipsqueek unscientific understudied oppressors
Unwilling and unwanting of flight
Grasping the earth with talons of oil rigs
Locked up and motionless like sows in heat
Shivering in D.C. and the U.N. U.$. Strongholds
Bastions of bastards military based around the world
Like sore thumbs sticking up waiting for the smash
Similar to stock markets and mortgages
Failing like bridges and nuclear families
His body ejected two mornings ago
Because he was fifteen minutes late for work
At a job, that because of time change, we had to wake at 3 a.m. for
And to clock out at 4 p.m. enslaved
So exhausted we envy Jericho his quick and sudden death
We envy he who is death rowed because his chain chafing
Will cease like the deceased in the field in the early morning
Breathing his last breath like , " fuck ya, Fuck this. Peace!"
Released. Like Ronnie Gardners last breath before swaztikad firing squads
Made up of his brothers
Listen to the keys rattle comrades as you sit tonight
Pupils dialated to the orange glows in night lights and halogens
They always change hands these
The captors become the captive
Its history, proven over and over again
Just listen
We. Kaching. Will. Click. WIN
Motherfucking indubitably
So rattle like the final gasps of histories most evil empire
For now
Prison house and military sore house of nations
The Great Snake Amerikka entrailed across mother earth
Slithering in and out of seas exposed to death by a thousand cuts
Like the coward you are labor aristocracy
Modern day fascist middle class
Awaiting the taking away and the slash
That's all class
Thursday, 26 February 2015
* Prayer of Allegiance * 02/26/2015
Big prisons, big money, hidden racism
National oppression secreted away Abu Grahib style
Takes thirty years of reaganomics and drug war
To complete bourgeois smashing of middle class
Look into the evil eyes of every presidents final years
Podium lying with banker hands assed tightly manipulating
See the faces of returning soldiers
Stealing freedoms they were sworn to protect
Realizations
Rich protecting their existences
From realizations
Poor, oppressed realizations
At the towers of TV and radio stations
Posted up in prison towers
Crosshairs on the mind
Like the solitary cells set up to digest
Slowly, the minds and bodies of the most progressive
Those with nothing to lose but their chains
We will win again and again
Power to the people destined
Death to the puppeteers behind the silk curtain
Hungry and cold the strip celled await breakfast
Unbroken, refusing pharmaceutical poisons
Another day for the fact it weakens resolve
As all around captives snore doped to the gills
More punishment because of refusal
Acknowledgment of tiny resistance
With basic needs withheld
For years
Like he who completes inhuman task
With broken back and collapses
On the stage before witnesses
For the simple second of eye contact
As heart stops with a single audience member
Like, remember
When you tuck in your little ones
What you've done
With your 30.30 caliber firing squads
Sensory deprivation then painful lethal injections
Blink
A heartbeat
They can only hide us for so long
Force medicate and sleep deprive so long
Before those who cage have family caged
Before those who control have loved ones suffering under control
Before you pledge allegiance to your trash flag
Bloodied with the innocent buried in cement
Tarnished with the deformed babies born because U.$. munitions
Believe your God is a better God
But refuse consideration of no God
Because fear for your afterlife
Overrides your love of the present
Like Amerikka thinks they have the right
Because they're rich and Christian
To destroy the poor nonchristian
Pig religiosity, swine patriotism
Pink prison administrations and parole boards
Overseeing the brown skinned
Owing years and checks
Federal government withholding and holding
Down those able to rise up
My death will be like nothing
The life built forgot
Spit on even by those i loved
Its the way they want it
No foundation, no dedication
Nothing allowed to chapter one in to The End
Perpetuation
Of the enemy being your best friend
The priest being everything
And your own father and brother worthy of cop calling
Because property and property damage
In capitalist society overshadows family
White skin undershadows the prison system
Underlining skin tint warred upon and caged
To please your Jesus
Your fake Jesus
Heartbeatless, podiumed presidents
Cold as the strip celled
Fingers gripping microphones and flexi pens
The alive verses the dead
Muhammad verses Christian
Black verses white
Rich verses Poor
Day and Night, Life and Death
Contradictions like seconds
Hour hand continually overturns
We think in rising and falling empires
You, with your eternal afterlife crutches
Sitting in comfort
Unaware that the present uncomfortable
Hold the keys to Emerald city
Peoples future verses presents false pasts
The inevitable verses the rich, frightened hands
Clutching
Impossible, untenable historically disproven plans
Blink
A heartbeat
Unrealized
Realizations in generations
100 year heartbeats
Just a stage built each day of resistance
Strip celled, sensory deprived
Shock and Awed
Awaiting
The inevitable of existence
The age old table turning of contradiction
My God
We the people
OUR JESUS
Big prisons, big money, hidden racism
National oppression secreted away Abu Grahib style
Takes thirty years of reaganomics and drug war
To complete bourgeois smashing of middle class
Look into the evil eyes of every presidents final years
Podium lying with banker hands assed tightly manipulating
See the faces of returning soldiers
Stealing freedoms they were sworn to protect
Realizations
Rich protecting their existences
From realizations
Poor, oppressed realizations
At the towers of TV and radio stations
Posted up in prison towers
Crosshairs on the mind
Like the solitary cells set up to digest
Slowly, the minds and bodies of the most progressive
Those with nothing to lose but their chains
We will win again and again
Power to the people destined
Death to the puppeteers behind the silk curtain
Hungry and cold the strip celled await breakfast
Unbroken, refusing pharmaceutical poisons
Another day for the fact it weakens resolve
As all around captives snore doped to the gills
More punishment because of refusal
Acknowledgment of tiny resistance
With basic needs withheld
For years
Like he who completes inhuman task
With broken back and collapses
On the stage before witnesses
For the simple second of eye contact
As heart stops with a single audience member
Like, remember
When you tuck in your little ones
What you've done
With your 30.30 caliber firing squads
Sensory deprivation then painful lethal injections
Blink
A heartbeat
They can only hide us for so long
Force medicate and sleep deprive so long
Before those who cage have family caged
Before those who control have loved ones suffering under control
Before you pledge allegiance to your trash flag
Bloodied with the innocent buried in cement
Tarnished with the deformed babies born because U.$. munitions
Believe your God is a better God
But refuse consideration of no God
Because fear for your afterlife
Overrides your love of the present
Like Amerikka thinks they have the right
Because they're rich and Christian
To destroy the poor nonchristian
Pig religiosity, swine patriotism
Pink prison administrations and parole boards
Overseeing the brown skinned
Owing years and checks
Federal government withholding and holding
Down those able to rise up
My death will be like nothing
The life built forgot
Spit on even by those i loved
Its the way they want it
No foundation, no dedication
Nothing allowed to chapter one in to The End
Perpetuation
Of the enemy being your best friend
The priest being everything
And your own father and brother worthy of cop calling
Because property and property damage
In capitalist society overshadows family
White skin undershadows the prison system
Underlining skin tint warred upon and caged
To please your Jesus
Your fake Jesus
Heartbeatless, podiumed presidents
Cold as the strip celled
Fingers gripping microphones and flexi pens
The alive verses the dead
Muhammad verses Christian
Black verses white
Rich verses Poor
Day and Night, Life and Death
Contradictions like seconds
Hour hand continually overturns
We think in rising and falling empires
You, with your eternal afterlife crutches
Sitting in comfort
Unaware that the present uncomfortable
Hold the keys to Emerald city
Peoples future verses presents false pasts
The inevitable verses the rich, frightened hands
Clutching
Impossible, untenable historically disproven plans
Blink
A heartbeat
Unrealized
Realizations in generations
100 year heartbeats
Just a stage built each day of resistance
Strip celled, sensory deprived
Shock and Awed
Awaiting
The inevitable of existence
The age old table turning of contradiction
My God
We the people
OUR JESUS
Thursday, 22 January 2015
* Swine Flu *
That you care
That you can
Ability in ability
To do the hardest
Beat down continually in proving grounds of bullshit
That they know
That they see
This completeness
That's complete facade
Doing all this for no apparent reason but because
This is it
The posturing of advanced apes
Thinking they are godly or devily
Smelling our way through the spectrums
Can't pallbear the corporate establishment
When you must pay them to bury them
Can't smash the modern koncentration kamps
When the solitary buried and state murdered
Are applauded like the false wars
Fake borders and imagined supremacies
Amerikka the great snake
Slithering along mountainous spines
In the atmosphere with failing infrastructure
Doomed mother fucker
Shed your existence like the skin
Egyptian, Roman, Greecian empire repeat
Where the societal ump turns imp
Limp in the lap of luxurious breading
Caked in greed whitened like the raw bone handcuffed away
In Guantanamo
The sick stomachs trailwayed
With forcefeedings
Of Dorito paste
And Pepsi
Blood coughed into blue eyes
Wiped away with moisturized fingers
That tremble at the inconsistencies in the propaganda machine
Trailing out pig ear
Drip. Drip...
That you care
That you can
Ability in ability
To do the hardest
Beat down continually in proving grounds of bullshit
That they know
That they see
This completeness
That's complete facade
Doing all this for no apparent reason but because
This is it
The posturing of advanced apes
Thinking they are godly or devily
Smelling our way through the spectrums
Can't pallbear the corporate establishment
When you must pay them to bury them
Can't smash the modern koncentration kamps
When the solitary buried and state murdered
Are applauded like the false wars
Fake borders and imagined supremacies
Amerikka the great snake
Slithering along mountainous spines
In the atmosphere with failing infrastructure
Doomed mother fucker
Shed your existence like the skin
Egyptian, Roman, Greecian empire repeat
Where the societal ump turns imp
Limp in the lap of luxurious breading
Caked in greed whitened like the raw bone handcuffed away
In Guantanamo
The sick stomachs trailwayed
With forcefeedings
Of Dorito paste
And Pepsi
Blood coughed into blue eyes
Wiped away with moisturized fingers
That tremble at the inconsistencies in the propaganda machine
Trailing out pig ear
Drip. Drip...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)