*Lead Tall*

*Lead Tall* 10/29/2015

Subterfugal Emoticons Tattooed Across Make Believe Members
Us sitting like our asscheeks imprints make a difference
Like anything we leave behind that isn't money
Cars, Houses will be grasped and kept by those close

Just forgotten and parceled up
Between feuding factions of degrading relatives
Each generation worse off than the next
More dis ease, dis comfort and dis informed brains

You know when you see it just for a second
A purpose in all this and then its taken
Told like a secret in the eyes of the inanimate
A face post mortem you can't erase the expression

For all that you believe you seem mighty unsure to leave
The things of make believe you thought worth not thinking
For all you that seem mighty
Its just your weakness dancing with others weakness
The not worthy identifying with the not worthy thinking up worth

The outer reflects the inner of the one able to reflect
The inner just covered with the outer mess of the reflect less
The building of the one day to do lists
Completion of this list the accomplishment of greatness
And the non doing pessimist in the stranglehold of longer lists

The allusiveness of the accomplishmentless is evolutionlessness
Those that complete to complete the next task
The reason some fall back

And like a Mighty Stag in a bitter October wind
The Alpha stand and prance strong
On the bones of the Beta herd instinctual
The weak Doe Eyed who follow

Dying choked on their worthlessness
Strangled in imagined innocence
Feigned purpose and mile long To Do lists

*When*

*When* 10/17/2015

When the power goes out
And everyone's left looking
I will already have seen and left

When your everything's gone in a blink
Mines just beginning
Eyes opening while yours are closing
Life fertilized on your losing

Get up because you're laying down
Soon
Arranging necessities not for forever
But for soon
You can't continue in this vein eternally
Dalliance with the inevitable
Cringe or applaud upcoming boom

Simplified beyond the just simple
So centered lightning flash doesn't surprise me
Tragedy just the next step along your way

Down with all the failed evolutions
Treading lightly over your misconstrued conclusions

Invalid misconceptions
You're winning while I'm losing
At least it seems so
In your eyes

The eyes of surprise
Deer in the headlights of the last light
Your dying light
Warming the hands of those left

Your replacements
Betterments
Wearing your leavings like stains of grass
Building the future because your past is past

* Marble Countertops * 09/28/2015
Two years two months two weeks two days
To teach me to think totally opposite
This body and mind in decay isnt the same
The whole pathway i walked in vainly insane
Went from waiting on a parole board
To waiting for social security
The most avid exerciser
To just catching my breath walking
The defeat in me isnt Name-Brand
Its the generic Age-Old inability
To coexist around others
To love without smothering
Just that after witnessing all the deaths
And wondering if they worked up until the moment
Does anyone ever get a month to reflect before going
Does the Rat-Race become your life
And if you stopped working
Would you stop living
Youve seen me and what ive completed
As a person dealt a shitty hand
So why do you mourn my Step-Back
My momentary hands on knee reflection
Havent I earned it
When others would sit passed out from psychotropics at night
While everyones passed out drunk in the darkness
My mind sits pondering meanings and connections
And its always amazing to see the peoples reflections
Reflecting themselves upon the judgements
Instead of looking inside at why they judge
Building the things others started instead
Of planning and creating yourself
Focusing on the focus placed upon
Instead of sharpening your own focus
Sharing 'In-Common-Nothings' instead
Of creating 'Somethings-Alone' to share
You can become caught up in the roads
Forgetting each paths meaning is destinations
Would never throw away this pristine consciousness
Built inside Supermax buildings hallogened
Over beer, drugs, thinking Herd-Intilect
When one learns thats the whole point of this
To just exist painless
Too many caught up with kids
And the total focus and raising of this
To be just the most facetous mother
Of the most flaky, purposeless kids
That hang themselves
From your Empty-Room-Minds given them
Question Mark Gallows
Your Cross-Border like the Rabbit Hole
You escape periodically bourgeoisily switching
Personas and clothes to Infatuate
Enemyize your friends soley for the push
To your next tragedy left
She's worse than him but you would never guess
Because she hides behind productivity like her breath
Same sized livers, hearts and gross amount of tears
Just that one gives a shit about society
And the likes and comments
Of cardboard cutout calcified peers
Companied each morning smelling of soaps
Six a.m. sharp with teeth gleaming
In order to enhance the $35 millions
Driving home on an empty tank of gas
Sore muscles can't even afford the bananas
Fucked her pussy so long cant pretend
Both rolling eyes when the pants come off
Like oh fuck not this again
Fuckin tire blows, out window half your paycheck goes
Have to buy my water from the city
Suck the dick of the power company
Just for lighting
Meaning lost in all of this
Infighting of the incrowds
Status and marble countertops
Holding more notice than the chiseled dates
Of the dead that did without
All you do all day
Like any of you have meaning
Or any of this roboticism
Can unmagnetize your bloods direction
Of six feet in the grave

*Umbilical Gun* 09/22/2015

The pinnacle of delusion
Looking down
Had it with it because for a while
Had it all
From nothing to something
To nothing
To thinking about jumping

Bouncing back and forth between emotion
Wishing for the body slam
Dirted disappeared hurting
Listen to the townfolk thinktank
About his problem
Soon favor extended in solving

You should never peel back calous
And then run
You should never whiten teeth
With lemon
Outlive teeth over brushed
Or dedicate yourself to a perfect woman
Cause she'll consume you
Let go of heartbeat with lost lust

Letting go of a chemical high
The love of a woman
A species I'd not seen ten years
Was all mine for eight months
Same age yet ten younger
Because mentally caged as a boy
But her blasé blasts my soul like shotgun
Leaves me a bloody mess
Spongeing myself with my carelessness

Each sopping up and dirt slapped nerve ending
I give up every second
Each and every minute a casket
Hours like cremation
Days like the roots into brain
Lying dust under her tree of everything

I watered her with my soul unknowingly
One should hold back a piece
Just in case lying empty outstretched
Hands beseeching from casket easy chair

When you just become the old oil painting
Hanging from the wall in faded rose
And passing processions silently tick by
Wondering how he did it so long
Alone entombed only to give up consumed
By the most beautiful thing

Bore by a vagina and broken by one
Suckled the teats of life
And breastfed from my grinning reaper
As the little laugh she left me with resounds
In my thin skull like my first cry

The blood drips smack earth
Desperate eyes looking up at doctors finger noose
My nervous system one last time reaching for her
Nothing
Silence
With my last breath wishing
Heart attack upon her breast

Or the doctor would of just dropped me
Before i felt the coldness
And loved her eyes so much

*Little Death* 09/21/2015

A sigh
After so much
Relearning to just sit
To unhurt
And feel the coolness of icewater
Lick my guts

Learning to live in the stillness
Again
Without needing or conversation
Without wondering
What she's thinking
And why
If this is loving
Why is it so full of hurting

It isn't worth it anymore
To play along
To exert effort upon effort
Upon something so distant
Towards somebody that keeps moving
Dodging my heart like the enemies
Loveplated bullets

See how far and how much
How many times the downs
Can turn into ups
And the chest pains
And liver pains
Will let me up

Empty
Gutted out my penis
By her sugar scented breath
The constant nightlong cuddles
Attempted unto limb atrophy
The fake smile held upon face
Sending forth condolences
Upon condolences
Until empty
Silent breathing

The hurt
That's supposed to help
And prevent future hurt
Just a pause button for more hurt
Forgot the lesson of pain
In the game of love
Insane buried in mud
Prayin for rain

Sit muddled unmuddling
Okaying the not OK
Just focus on falling and waking
In a centered state
And look forward to a little something
During the day
Even if its just the ice water
Even if its the thought
The truth

That she's just way better off
And my ending is just her start
A beginning my ending
Like it always was
Like I'm used to
Sang he who's been the boogeyman
He who knows the strengths
The benefits and lessons
In all ego deaths
In each broken heart

*Sandman's Song* 12/02/2012
Wanting eternal winter
Seeking another ice age
Single white male seeking speedy execution
Death wish, damn this life. Arrghhh
Exhausted sea sick sitting solitary
Sartre's nausea sprinkled with
Marxist materialism, Staind lyrics
Sung beside Soul Asylums
" so long ago i don't remember when"
" because inside you're ugly- step"
"You're ugly like me- to the ledge"
Seeing modern conformity as below me
Been there. Done that. Don't want it
Feeling better than everyone
Haughtiness hurts me worse than insanity
KNOW I've done this all on purpose, this
Place, this pain manufactured myself
Isn't anything i wish for or miss
To do or not to do--- the question
Out of sight out of mind equals oppression
Unless minds are sour from parasitic
Consumerism. Thirty Decembers I've studied
Pain, Rage, Love, relationships, happiness
Hurt realest emotion I've experienced
Crack fiend speed walking Las Vegas
Streets. Meth addict missing teeth and heart
Beats. Captive caged inside modern day
Dungeon. Drunk on it, staggering
Drueling deprived so deep
Me and mine. Where last name becomes
Ones crime. Want this? Do you?
This only thing left me, expressing
Diseased western societies downfall
In rhyme. String Theory beside Spiral Nebula
As humanity starves to death
Suicides, cries out for something
Anything. " god give us a reason please"
To be. Nothing. Happy. Nothing. Except
Wanting things. Taking things from
Third World, oppressed, coal colored "things"
My people. My species. My holidays
Are days held in infamy, are
Nights those i loved chose sleeping
Eternally instead of continuing faking
Happy feelings in front of fascist T.V.s
Saddest part is wanting t.v., me, even
Though knowing the adverts and propaganda
Showing. Painful piece understanding
Pornography, Playboy and womens oppression
But still seeking, peeking clandestinely
Wanting it, needing it, knowing its
Wrong. Its all wrong. Oppressive this
Emotion. All ive left, this love called
Oppression. Called sickness. Give me pistol
Bridge, train, suicide by cop. Violent
Violence silence sick materialist happiness

*Sahara* 12/08/2012
Caffine twitches during psychotropic sniffles
Intermittent comradeships between paranoid enemities
Witness one soul in us all screaming ABSURDITY
Given short end of stick since birth but still swimming
Making it in humorous interactions and trifles
We are just boys being caged by boys
Males punishing males for what males do
Dear cruel world ten years of my existance
I spent huddled around flexi-pens fighting this
I'm spent now, huddled in on myself seeking comfort
Seeking something other than this
Forgive me my stubborness, craziness and weakness
I miss things. I want things. I need things
Its taken me ten years to understand this
This mind. This body. This pain is
Pristine, poetic, put it on each second
Like a feather headdress, broken sunglasses
Came, saw, conquered, was conquered, left still looking
Did what was made to do, what had to do
Do you out there do what you do for others or you
Does doing things depend on who
What's left to be said, speaking of what's left
Empty inside, barren surroundings, fearing
Skin sand dune, bone basin, greasy leftover residue
Of blood left seeping into unforgiving cement
Nothing left but these eyes staring childish
This grin accepting what's next