* Never Mine Always Hers* 08/30/2015

It was like a whirlwind
Temptuous
And as i sit windless, alone
I miss the feel of the gales bloodily
Tearing away cruelessly at my skin

It was like in eight months
I forgot all about those ten years
Solitary and Alone
But now they're here again
Like sandpaper filled seashells stepped on
By bloody, windblown skin

Never once did she rub my back
The money i made was hers
She even left me on my birthday
Never mine but always her hurt
My concern

Total focus
Now I'm left with nothing except all I'd given up
You can't imagine it
The way her brown eyes conveyed mystery

Asian eyes on latina ass cheeks
Her toes and fingers those of Mayan princess
Hair cascaded down shoulders of an Aztec queen
Her walk the most preciously obscene
Jeans, black eye liner and nail polish

Beyond angelic speaking her new language
Driving her stickshift Tiida in anger
Walking through the door after work in tears
Up and down in constant emotion

I was crushed and beaten with her feelings
It was always too much and never enough
It was she's needy and I've nothing left
Wishing someone can handle her

Wanting to kill anyone who touches her
Touched her so much that now I'm dead
She's gone now a country away
And now I'm here again with my feet on the ground

And i don't like it i want it to stop
Just end please this feeling
Read meaning in these bloody footsteps
Of a man who flew because of a woman
For so long he forgot how to walk

*Shitty Fingers* 08/25/2015

Weight lifting and watering the lawn
Not working to enrich the man anymore
Set on using my wiles to gather others waste
Enough of everything floating around to subsist

Preparing for the worst by relaxing
Letting it happen while muscle builds
Bilking the government for pantry paycheck
Going to use my prison mental upset to get

Manipulate the system until system implodes
Until the land earthquakes into sea
Or falling rock rockets cometesque earthward
Collapsing the tunnelworks hidden like Mormon swearword

Not gonna do it anymore
Playing along with your consumption
The playacting of wanting blasted upon brainstems
With trivial knowledges driveled unto deathishness

Made up histories and make believe futures
So out of reach and out of touch
Beyond retching and explatory motherfucks
Like shitting the only truth we've left

On the comode with the one remaining truth
What goes in must go out
And what empires rise
Must be wiped from the face of the world

Skidmarked like cheap gravestones
Trailing like skelatons behind amerikkan flags
Flushed away like lower class families dads
Imprisoned in noncorrectional sewers

Making it another day in order to flush it
That's it
That's all I've got

*A Step Up* 08/14/2015

Occupational safety hazard
That is
Your life's killing you
Just waiting patiently for the grave
Silently wishing you outlive the others

A non contract signed with life
That so much effort must be set forth
For so much rest inbetween
Tit for Tat
Deathbedded amazed wondering
I did this for that

You know when you see unchanged
It changes you
Maybe thats why the unchanging never change
They can't see you

Why is it that death makes us live
That a funeral makes us feel better
Why do we wish graves
Upon those the closest to us
But pray long lives on strange celebrities

When non buisness becomes felonious
And non cooperation becomes terrorist
The act of not paying idolaterous
The establishment ravishing you into the perfect consumerist

Immersed in bullshit a constant
Damning yourself for playing along
Can't them sorry motherfuckers just get it over with
Die already you bastards

My future family seeks your soiled place mats
Lives full of future and meaning
Verses your smelly alcohol breaths
Full of pain and confusion

Let those who seek less consuming
Replace the consumed
Its the right of the evolved beings
The shoulders of the weak non doing

*Absence of Needing* 08/12/2015

So you think you can dance
Motherfucker
With the Demons enchanting
Solo thoughts in solitary cells

So you think this existence
Has meaning
Like clean shirts and shiny cars
Or is it all just made up
Make believe until we leave
Must to Dust

So she's the one
And he's finally come
And your new toys are perfect
Fit to fit just like it was meant
Sleeping good wrapped up in consumerist delusions

I say so you think you can die
This minute without regret
So you think you can live
Without regretting moments

To leave it all
On the doorstep of the banks
Take yourself to the woods
Rot your teeth as you feed your being

Being nothing
Planning nothing
Getting up
Chopping firewood
Chewing jerky
Falling asleep

Total disconnect from oil roads
The daily here to there
The worry of your smell
Or shinyness or dullness of hair

Giving up you might say
But its not
Its...
Like...
Just finally

Evolving up
To the trees and the dirt
To being a being
Without needing
That which isn't worth needing

Its...
Finally...

BREATHING

*Pretend* 07/31/2015

Temporary insanity pleaded
As you lie kneeding
Illusions of granduer
Of the utmost and lowest

Its happened many times before
This fucking hostage situation
This drainage of your being
Because of total focus on another

What do you do when your whole life
Feels orchestrated from the get
Like the paths you walk and decisions you make
Decided upon. Traps set. Some mathamatic kismet

Fucking shit
Sitting here after so much
My fucking struggle with everything
Plain as day its got me shook up

The givings up
The gotta gets
The need to this
The have to that

Fuck you
And everything

The overdraft credit cards
The gas tanks constant thirst
Bills and ultimatums

Urges urged upon
The dirt we tread forgotten
For the minutes of pop songs
Scratched on ears

I've been here before
Just yesterday we played this
Hiding and seeking meaning

I'll do this again
With the wind as my foe
And the sun as my friend

Peeking blinds
Bleeding inside
The only difference I'm sober this time

Dulled
By mountains surmounted

Darkened by the hopelessness surrounding
The eye smiles I've passed on countlessly
Infected by your sadness

Felled by your sickness of fear
In the coward populace
Of the mainstreams

Prying eyes

*My Curse* 07/26/2015

Free to believe
That you and me
Can see
The edge of eternity

Free enough to live pantless
In a shack
Between two rivers
Underneath the trees

You should of seen my face
That day a year ago
When my parole officer uttered
One more year parole

One more working
More exemplary conduct
Or else
Was almost felled

True. True heartfelt

Been treed by this system so long
Grown tail
Learned the fine art of slow motion
Hanging silently
Alone

I did it
You dirty motherfuckers
I beat you
For the sake of them too
Had nothing to do with me or you

The times you told them never
The moments you snickered at their genius
For your momentary boredom relief

Saying never enough to clever
Creates symptoms of forever
Animosity aimed

And animosity aimed at the unclever
Fells trees on your boredom
Drowns you in your two rivers

The same landscape i retreat to in victory
Will be your apology
Unaccepted yet taken

So hang silently reversed
Oppressor scum
Your worst is yet to come

*Hurry Up* 06/28/2015

Trippage

Like the steel of the shank
Rammed into your chest
And all you can think
Heart ceasing

Is the rain that created the rust
In my belly

Pretty...
So very...

Pretty

Completion

Like the only way of pyramids
Of revolutions
In segments and steps
Generations of deaths
Heads we've kissed
We tread upwards onto

Pretty kisses turned broken teeth
Its this fear of being afraid
This " Time Peace "
Seeking okayness in its ticking
At all costs

Knowing your worst enemy is your friend
And being real hurts but only shortly

Tick tick

Fakeness fatal in finality
In length
So, my friend...

Please...
Pretty pretty please...

Pretend

The machines slowly clear the trees
Cedar forest i grew up in
Robin and blue jay chasing

Alcohol slowly stripping the humanity
From the livers of the bloodsharing
Deaths sought and wished for
By all parties involved

So i uninvolve
Evolved

I'm alone
Basically
But there's she
You've heard of it right? Move on...

Seeking things
Sharing of things coinciding
Momentarily

Its all it was
When gains are obtained
Seekings change
Creating obstacles serving purposes...

Blah blah blah

We begin basing thirty year knowledges
Directed towards two day
Month Olds
When we've taken this long to unlearn
What we was taught
We reteach?

WTF!

Its not today or tomorrow or yesterday
Its all days guiding this day

Its the reasons gave for a fist
Verses the real reason of knuckles
Compared to what witnesses see
Divided by twenty years afterward

And the sun glinting off the scar tissue
Into the eyes
Causing a slight hitch in the breath
A memory
Slight
A determination. Quickening

Of Black Boots scaling a White House

*Trippage* 06/28/2015

"Congratulations", he says, the parole officer, "You're the first Green to complete parole successfully." "And early." Three years early."
Nice. I guess. . .
But we forget.
The years i did. Ten in total. In a solitary cell. The voices and body bags and letters unsent. The unspoken of the missing spokes in my wheel which i rotated and balanced each day. Each second. In order to one day rise above. Crawl above.
But now i just want the choice. The decisions to be mine. Should i work or not? 90 hours in order to just pay the process of getting to and from work with brushed teeth and full belly. I'm ordered to work. Its stipulation. But maybe now I'll quit, be a little hungry and have fuzz teeth. But. Have time. Have energy. For myself.
I can leave the state now...
No more surprise, armed visits and piss tests. No more monthly fees in order to keep bullets in the guns hipped and at the ready if i make a sudden move.
Sudden move... Maybe that's it. I can move now. Suddenly. They'll have to knock now before they kick in my door. They'll have to tell me to freeze now before they shoot.
I guess, what I'm trying to say, is Theres Alot lost. Its just not as simple as a completion of a process because i was " corrected" by corrections.
No. Because i wasn't.
Everything i was told to do in prison... I did the opposite. The parole programs upon release... I criticized. I laughed at. Because if i would of embraced their "Gods" and "relapse is a part of recovery" where would i be now?
Hmmm?
No God. No relapse. No love for those that showed nothing but hate to me for years. No rehabilitation. But bucking. With strength. With the knowledge that the entire in-justice system is corrupt. That to even have reading material or food and water isn't a guarantee when your suffering in chains in this "land of the free."
That you can be murdered by state employees and be sent home as a suicide. That psychotropics are a tool used to break you, handed out by smiling, supposed "care" givers and medical "professionals."
I've worked. I've bucked you you dirty, crooked bastards. Even though you gave me three extra years for "refusing medications."
I've beat you at your own games in order to show the world you play unfair. In order to make known the hypocrisy of your war on drugs. The racism in your freedom and the lowness in your higher power philosophies.
You're either war recruited to fight for imperialist armies or chained. Chain or be chained.
Police force or policed.
Pork producing, cashier register, toilet scrubbing middle men. On the fence. Waiting. Supporting troops and perpetuating the prison industrial complex with your non-attention. With your captive hate.
Fuck your wars and your soldiers. Fuck your badged, coward, P.D. Swat teams. Power to all prisoners. To Jailhouse Lawyers, those refusing meds and compliance. To sprinklers pulled and shit thrown. Rise up you righteous.
To those warred upon. Luck. Knowledge that your cause is true and right and the contradiction is in your favor more each day.
Fuck your system. Set up to control at all cost in order to keep in power your elite.
But most of all.
Fuck those that still believe in this system. That still seek to raise offspring to assimilate into this shitmill.
Whatever happened to resistance?
To those that stand up for what's right even though they know they'll be knocked down again and again.
The fear of being knocked down. The redness of face in he who trips beside his peers. The terror of stumbling and slipping. Tripping.
But what is life, what is knowledge if not learning to be more sure-footed by stumbling? To learn to be graceful while doing the ungraceful?
Its this, this even-road, this "same-same" flat surface emotion and lifestyle. This ability to just take a pill and never feel good or bad but just O.K.
This perpetual war supported, never to be lost or won, but continued just for the sake, the money, of the business involved in war. . .

*Trippage ||* 06/28/2015
For the citizens that need to feel "better-than": the Christians that need to prove their fake religion is realer than someone elses fake religion.
Prison populations stagnant. Even though many die at the hands of the homicidal state. Because Theres always that son or daughter. That one, being groomed for chains, who feels good and bad intensely.
The enemy?
Emotion?
The ups and downs of life looked down upon. The rights and wrongs in beliefs. Proofs and disproofs. Common sense verses the common goose-step which is us. The U.$. Kkkalifornicated.
Kkkamouflageicated.
Seeing stars in homicidal soldiers. Black and white demons in the koncentration kamp khaki blues.
And damn if he or she becomes upset and slams a door or two. Damn if you can't control.
Damn the bumps in your road, please, as we perfect the art of road removal. See the bumps as fixable. Ignore until its too late.
Says he at the hands of this pristine, maintained, poetic jackhammer.
Its nothing. Swear it.
Just a little pothole. . .

*This Time* 06/14/2015

Corrosive cornucopia of caring
Sexing constantly

Seeing that this that was always wanted
Causes this weakness

To begin at endings
Knowing its all constant continuation
And nothing stops just changes
Contradictions contradicting repeatedly

Too much not enough
Enough too much
Causing heart hurt from over exertion
Or pains from loneliness
Overgiving or underliving

You should see her though
The way her hips sing songs
Her eyes speak in tongues
About lost tribes sculpturing meaning
Upon this rock of meaninglessness

Skin that hurts in its softness
Anger that heals in its fierceness
Slaps and hugs and claspings
Letting go only to hold on

So much we've been through
And its only been six months
More emotions than six years in a cell
In just six minutes of looking in each others eyes

June 16th. One month shy
Of two years out
Missed one day of work
This whole time
And it was her birthday
My reason. She's become
Reason

" I want to go home to Mexico"
Crestfallen. Her children
Her parents she's missing
I'm the tether that holds her she says
But I'm wrist chained
Waist wrapped
Around her sweet existence
Grasping

Never felt this tear clouded smiling
This sickness of heart that causes butterflies
This lifting and falling of feeling

I'm lost
Tossed upon her waves
Curled up in her hair like feminine finger
Tracing the stubble along jawline

Thinking maybe
Maybe this time
This month this cycle
A baby
Our baby

Maybe...

*Dear Heart* 06/13/2015

Its been six months since i switched jobs from the truck stop to the pig farms. On the day i interviewed i met this international Mexican girl. We've been inseparable ever since. We've got ourselves a place. Been living together two months. But...

Its driving me crazy. The worry. The constant wondering about if this is real. If what we have is reality or just some illusion. Like , have i built myself this castle in the sand that's already washed away and I'm just seeing the mirage of what once was.

Its all in the fact that I've got no life. She says. I mean, not meanly does she say it but its that I've cut off my life ive built, since getting out of prison two years ago, just for her. Left my dad and brother to fend for themselves. Gave up the addition id built onto my fathers house, in order to pay rent on a Trailor house in town. Town. I hate living in town. I hate not having time for myself.

Its like all i gave up for her was all that she saw in me to like. And six months to the day, in two days exactly, its all going to end. I feel it. We're done. Through.

And all i can think is " WHEW" . "That was wild and fun yet trying as all hell and I'm glad its over."

Its time to return to the cedar trees and the solitude. My solitude. My writing. My mind.

I've missed you. . .

* Silent Ships * 03/26/2015

If you sit after a strenuous workout and think
Realizing you've been acting like an utter fool
For the simple fact you gave up your exercise
Seeking serotonin in an impossible relationship

When you wake up
When you knew before you opened your eyes
That you shouldn't have stirred
Should of remained blind
Because it was so easy to lead and lead on
Dumb and stupid

They say the intelligent practice the strenuous physical
Because it frees up the ability in the mental
I say I've let the girl lead the blind so long because
I wanted to walk in the dark for once
To see how the rest feel

As the curls put the cap on top
Of my bench press, squat outlook
I noticed again that relationships
Mean nothing in this age of meaninglessness

That your breath, the breath we breathe alone
Can be listened to unto bothering
Or silenced until your listening of other breaths
Detects the bothered that have forgotten
Noisily breathing seeking noisier breaths

I.E. relationship

My heart thumps with the knowledge silence is my friend
And everyone must first themselves come to this conclusion alone
And my voice and eyes become what some discover
Instead of what this visage covers

Nothing
Turned into a something
That reflects the things shined upon me
With no emotion or needing
Just the acknowledgment that in passing
We recognize the noises seconds are creating
And we
As simple complex skin instruments

Take in and exhale with certain rings laced with feelings
Tones of the worst among us megaphoned
Because faces shine with beauty
The voices with the answers silenced because they seem ugly
Its a game of lenses and electricity
A volleyball of the insane stupidity
That you'll never see with veins caked and greasy
With a heart that doesn't beat completely

Its ghostly with the overlarge and underskinny
Seeking momentary-pain-endings in THINGS
That just perpetuate the pain in their veins
The shrinking of brains and loudening of breaths

Until they can't take it and snap
Finding the silence finally in finality
Like this is it
The current in the current

Only those that know nonexistance while existing
Silence in the noisy
Relationship in a society of nonrelationship

Can say they've lived in the minute
For the lives of the next
Can witness what it is to cherish each second
For the sake of the one day existent

Who'll carry evolution into its silence
And bring meaning to the present greed meaninglessness
Capitalists can talk themselves to death as we wait in the shadows

The everpresent
Relationshipless

* Threesome * 03/16/2015

Death fucks me up and so do girls
When people die its like they must haunt my memories
Times shared together rerunned repeatedly
Searching for meaning

Relationships began with big dreams in mind
But ended because i convince myself I'm a burden
Is it the classic bachelor guilt syndrome
Where i blame the breakup on the ones i hurt

Sex and memories shuffled in my mind
Getting sick of the same old day in day out
Until you lose it for a while and seek it out

I told you so isn't allowed overtop gravestones
I love you so isn't meant soley
I love you now so but her now so
And the telling you so so that your soul can suffer more
No

As species are fastforwarded intellectually
The key is to not stagnate or become dependent
Stick and move creatively relationship up
Then separate like we must from this boring oil

Like we must from the Washington and Jefferson
Godheads imagined in minds long dust
Like we must impregnate and fight wanderlust

So confused searching for the pattern
That will explain the beginning
But we can't understand the meaning until the ending
So theres a tomorrow for the confused
Time left for the sick

Numb-know-everythings sure signs of imminent endings
An empires demise is always forecasted as a new beginning
A Womans love is just the hate for her loves last ending reincarnated

Like the flowers growing through the skulls
Of the final 300 amerikkan soldiers
Immortalized underneath fields of grass stained victors
Portrayed on big screens warning future generations

Beware warmongering blind imperialism
Sure sign of imminent ending
Like her head on your chest
And all you can think about is her roommates underthings

* Jericho 101 * 03/11/2015

Like the name of some long lost city by the dead sea
Or the man ejected from his windshield at 95 mph
Whom i trained with for a month
Listening to him joke about how short a time it takes
From home to work

Life to death
A split second
Falling asleep at the wheels of our destinies
Found in lazyboys or bushes bloodless

Thoughtless, unconscious corpses existing soley
For anger and pain pinball
Better than thou speedometers pressed to the limits

Caught up in this world so much i forget
What I've been through and whom it took
To make it through as all was taken away

Know the community witnesses
This eyewitness of the worst
Speakless inhumanities just down the way
Upstate prison inkkkarceration nation

Where the pigs and nazis sport swastikas
Overseers overseeing oppressed nations
With aryan prison gangs

Judges, street and gulag pigs in cahoots
No first amendment rights to even a book
Dignities stolen as you curl fetal on strip cell
In front of a camera naked in solitary

Starved, sleep deprived, ridiculed day in and day out until
You catch on to punch line and begin laughing at yourself
Like... look at this worthless Fuck in the mirror

Ha. Ha ha. The dehumanizing demonizing injustice system
Set up to pick up where slavery left off
Built to cease and desist the revolutionary movement

This says something about the possibility of those
Them that rattle chains in dungeons unheard
Not the romanticized Hollywood but the true

Unshowered, uncut versions in the millions
Waking up to new days in perpetual nights
The minds capable of flight tethered
By the brains of the gutter hitlerites

Big banked behind oppressive educations and wars
Debt, CBS NBCed pipsqueek unscientific understudied oppressors
Unwilling and unwanting of flight
Grasping the earth with talons of oil rigs

Locked up and motionless like sows in heat
Shivering in D.C. and the U.N. U.$. Strongholds
Bastions of bastards military based around the world

Like sore thumbs sticking up waiting for the smash
Similar to stock markets and mortgages
Failing like bridges and nuclear families

His body ejected two mornings ago
Because he was fifteen minutes late for work
At a job, that because of time change, we had to wake at 3 a.m. for

And to clock out at 4 p.m. enslaved
So exhausted we envy Jericho his quick and sudden death
We envy he who is death rowed because his chain chafing
Will cease like the deceased in the field in the early morning

Breathing his last breath like , " fuck ya, Fuck this. Peace!"
Released. Like Ronnie Gardners last breath before swaztikad firing squads
Made up of his brothers

Listen to the keys rattle comrades as you sit tonight
Pupils dialated to the orange glows in night lights and halogens
They always change hands these
The captors become the captive
Its history, proven over and over again
Just listen

We. Kaching. Will. Click. WIN
Motherfucking indubitably
So rattle like the final gasps of histories most evil empire
For now

Prison house and military sore house of nations
The Great Snake Amerikka entrailed across mother earth
Slithering in and out of seas exposed to death by a thousand cuts

Like the coward you are labor aristocracy
Modern day fascist middle class
Awaiting the taking away and the slash

That's all class